Fish Symbolism

Chuck Knows Church
Episode 3

Robes or Albs

Chuck Knows Church
Episode 2

Liturgical Colors

Chuck Knows Church

Episode 1

Letter Writing

I know that emails back and forth are a totally really bad idea, but I just can't help myself. 

So, background story is in order...

I emailed Pastor Roy about a Sunday to honor our graduates. He replied back, a bit indignantly if fact, of honoring those who never seem to grace the sanctuary of the church with their presence ... those who are baptized, may come when a small child and never to return except to be praised and honored on a graduation Sunday. I wrote him back trying to encourage the graciousness of supporting the grandparents and parents of these kids and acknowledging the success of the kids, especially those who do not grace our building with their presence. It's the Christ like thing to do. He wrote back and agreed and voiced some of his frustrations, lack of a youth program and societal priorities of families today over church being two of those frustrations. I then wrote a novella, not literally but close, back in reply. Here then is that reply:

Ted mentioned the same thing about the youth program...Jeff effectively killed it, though not intentionally. A LOT of really bad decisions were made on discerning the leadership of the youth programs. I am as much at fault in its failure as Jeff and the SPRC just flat out hired the wrong person(s) inevitably. And yes, having an active children's ministry lends to involved youth. Parents are to blame for sure because too many set worship and church activities very low on their list of priorities. God seems rarely to be first in the lives of modern day peoples - of their time, their finances, and/or their resources. God rarely gets the best 10% of anything...IF He gets anything at all.

I know you are frustrated. You have been ministering for over 30 years now. Times are different, people are different, community is different now than when you began. And, YOU are different. You are at a stage in your life where you want more freedom to travel, to enjoy your life, your home and your family that is scattered in three states from Massachusetts to Georgia. And your wife near to Afton Mountain, nearer to your only grand baby than you are. You don't get to go see her as often as you would like (your wife AND your grand baby). You should be thinking about retiring at this point in your life; you just don't have the energy left for the battles that exist within a community of believers...let alone one that is now a struggling community. It seems as if you were plopped into our midst under false pretenses and maybe you were but it wasn't deliberate, honest.

I'm not sure how the Bishop's council of D.S.s pulled your name from a hat ... drug you out of sabbatical ... to place you at St. Marks. God alone knows. Maybe what we need is a specific prayer group that prays for God's guidance and for discernment. God has a plan for St. Marks, I do not doubt that ... I just don't know it. And it seems, right now, that none know it. I had heard once that if something is a part of God's plan, then things are made available, doors are opened, and the path is straight and easy. I'm not sure I believe that. Scripture says straight and wide is the path to destruction but crooked and narrow the path to salvation (a horrible paraphrase but you get the point). I had believed the FLC was God ordained because everything was so easy and simple. It wasn't cost prohibitive, we had oodles of man power, and a highly successful building fund. However, many of the functions mentioned have never been realized. The building was designed for volleyball, but no volleyball has been played in there. The showers were installed for the homeless, but they are forbidden to use them. There were going to be community events, fish frys and BBQs and we could serve meals from that "fabulous" kitchen. Now it seems merely to be a "money making" building...how much can be charged for its use? Most of the time it sits dark and empty.

Java Hut was successful in the beginning, Heather Shook did a great job...but it was a doomed venture due to promises made that could not be kept. The preschool, likewise, seemed successful in the beginning. With Samantha's contacts, personality, and her ability to publicize and reach out to parents, we had a waiting list...but it too was a doomed venture due to promises made that were not kept. We even had a Navy Wives group that met at St. Marks monthly, mostly due to Samantha and her Navy connections. And our venture into a contemporary service was not wholly supported from the outset. BUT ... there is yet a LOT of potential. We had relationships with the Cub Scout troop at Gloria Dei, which could have fed into our Boy Scout Troop, we can have that again. We had a Brownie Troop, did you know that? We can have again. We used to have picnics on the lawn and Sunday evening Bible Study with dinner provided. We can have again. We used to work closely with Emmanuel and Hampton Christian, the ministers would even meet weekly, a sort of pastoral support group where they could bounce ideas, vent, share concerns, and pray with and for each other...gone now (and I think Darren really misses those moments of support). But we can have that again.

St. Marks needs a revitalization, that much is true. Sometimes it takes a split within the community, some who are dissatisfied enough that they leave and regroup as their own congregation. Then the parent church REALLY looks at itself, examines who it is and what its principles are and what direction it wants to go in. The parent church has a make-over and is renewed. I'm not saying that will happen at St. Marks. It is what had happened though - St. Marks, the daughter of another. That history I only know a bit of though and what happened to the parent church I don't know, is it 1st downtown? I think it's much more difficult in the Methodist church to splinter off like that. But maybe not...we do after all have Wallace, Fox Hill Central, and 1st Fox Hill that are all ridiculously close to each other.

I know we need to think outside of the box however, when you are in the box it's really hard to get up to the edge to see out of it. St. Marks is a church that is too concerned with itself to even attempt to see over the edge of the box to beyond. The elder people of the church complain because the young don't seem to care about the church. The young don't care about the physical manifestation of the church, nor the doctrine, more the mission and priorities of the church. A building does not a church make...maybe we would be better off without the trappings of the buildings that have to be maintained and upkept year after year, that drain our resources and our finances more and more each year as the building ages. It would be nice to go to the park, set up a mini-console and speakers, plug Brian in, sing praise songs and hand out sack lunches, have a prayer and a short message and then communion and just be in the presence of God, of nature, of community. How expensive is that? Obviously we need a place to prepare the sack lunches, store the chairs and sound equipment but maybe that could even be a trailer...a kitchen equipped trailer. Ah, just dreaming.

I know you are frustrated and tired. I know you feel alone in all of this. You aren't though. You have a flock that you are the shepherd of...give us direction and we will follow, it's what sheep do best. Jeff was VERY good at that...he was manipulative and conniving but he had goals, he had a direction to go, and he was focused. And we followed. It's what sheep do best. And I think we were very successful in one very important way...he reached the broken, hurt, lost, and we nurtured them, at least until they weren't broken, hurt, or lost any more. Most didn't stay...we obviously didn't infuse the love of God into them or they would have desired to stay in relationship with Him. We didn't turn the broken, hurt, lost into disciples...that was our failure. I get that now, I didn't get it then. When I was in college we had a Paul/Timothy program where a more "mature" Christian was paired with a "baby" Christian. The Paul would take the Timothy on and mentor the Timothy in the scriptures, in prayer, in doctrine of the church, and in mission ministry and evangelism. It was very successful. I did that with Suanne Muniz before she moved to Guam, I mentored her in UMW and watch her become a leader...someone that I fully expect will someday become a district and maybe even a conference officer (later now rather than sooner since the Methodist Church in Guam closed). We don't have discipleship training. We don't have a discipleship team. Do we even know what "make disciples for Jesus Christ" means? It's our mission statement but do we do it? Nope...and the sad thing is, we aren't trained to - not by the conference, the district, or within our own churches. Ask ten people "what does it mean to be a disciple" and you will get 10 different responses. Ask ten people "how do you make a disciple" and I betcha you'd see a lot shoulder shrugs.

I know St. Marks is broken, hurt, and lost. How do we heal her? How do you mend a church? How do unite a fragmented community? How do we become one mind, one body, one spirit for the fulfillment of the mission and the great commission of Jesus Christ? And maybe as our shepherd you can give us guidance and direction so we aren't so lost and floundering BUT the LEADERS need to sit down, at a specially called Administrative Council Meeting (which is where all the leaders are SUPPOSED to gather), and come up with the definition of disciple, with how to make disciples, and then come up with concrete and measurable goals, a vision, a focus. And you know what? We won't get young people in on that, heck they aren't even ON Administrative Council because we have failed following the guidelines of the Book of Discipline and making sure at least one member of SPRC/Trustees/Ad Council is a young adult/youth. But...BUT...maybe IF we old grumudgens can become of one mind and set goals and have a purpose for being, then maybe we can get the young people on board to follow...because lambs will follow the sheep, for the most part, when not frolicking with each other in the pasture.

Wow, I didn't mean to write you a novella. I guess, as you can tell, I'm frustrated as well. But I feel as if YOU are ready to give up on St. Marks, throw away the oars, and let go of the helm. I'm not there yet. There IS hope, there is ALWAYS hope. NOTHING is impossible and as I said somewhere way up above God DOES have a plan for us!

Ok, my vent is done now too.

Hope I haven't offended you, hope that you know that I am on your side, I have got your back and as a leader I am expecting to be called upon to help you. You are NOT in this alone, a lone shepherd watching over his flock...you do have some rams and strong ewes to help lead the rest of the sheep. Equip us, train us, use us.

meMonica

Comparisons (as such)

I have been pondering, as of late, the relationship between the Shepherd and his/her flock of sheep. 

I know of this relationship quite well, through all of the Christian teachings I have had from childhood through adulthood. It is, of course, a metaphor of Jesus Christ the Shepherd and the persons who believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God being the sheep. Jesus, with his shepherd's crook, diligently watches over his flock. He counts his sheep morning, noon, and night. He knows when even one little sheep or lamb has wandered away or been led astray and He goes seeking the lost to bring it home. He keeps watch that evil wolves do not slip past him to injure even one of his sheep. He watches for thieves that may steal into the night and take His lambs. I imagine Jesus upon a hill that gives Him full view of the entire pasture and maybe even the pastures, hills, and wilds that are all around. In the valley are His sheep, munching peacefully on the grasses, nibbling gaily at the clover, romping and frolicking through the wildflowers. It is a very pleasant vision that I have in my head.

Now, if I take this metaphor from the "big" picture and localize it ... well, this is what I envision  ...

The minister is the shepherd and the congregation his flock. The minister keeps watch over his flock; he guides them to the clear, clean waters and to the sweet tasting grasses. When one of the sheep gets hurt, he goes to it, tends the wounds, takes it to be refreshed and revitalized. When one of the lambs/sheep wanders too far away, he goes after it. He keeps an eye out for things that would tempt his sheep, the wolf in sheep's clothing that could corrupt or destroy a little lamb or sheep. And just as I have imagined Jesus upon a hill for the full vantage point, I imagine the minister upon a hill ... how else can he see the goings on of all of his flock?

And now to focus specifically upon St. Mark's United Methodist Church, the flock, and Pastor Roy P. White, the shepherd ...

Pastor White seems to be a very nonchalant shepherd. It seems, from my point of view - a sheep in the valley - that our shepherd spends a great deal of time resting under the big oak tree, or looking behind him towards his home (which is really not very near to the pasture that IS St. Mark's). I believe that often times he is asleep, his eyes closed and his breathing even and steady. He is unaware of what his flock is doing, where they are going, who has wandered into its midst, if the water is crystal clear or has become muddied, the grass over-run with weeds. From my point of view, as a sheep of the flock, he seems not to care about the flock as a whole. He cares for a few of the sheep specifically, all of the lambs that he sees frequently but the majority of the flock are floundering and lost. 

There are small "pockets" of sheep gatherings ... 

... they gather by the muddied water and mumble to each other about the stream doesn't flow as it once did. The source is blocked by a myriad of negativism that seems to come from the hill the shepherd lies upon. The shepherd's lack of enthusiasm has caused stagnation. How do we clear these heavy, moss covered stones so that the water flows once again?

... they gather by the fence line, wishing that their grass looked as green and abundant as the grass on the other side of the fence. Some slip through the gaps in the fence and never return, others whisper their desires to go but then, looking back at their flock of friends and family, feel stuck. How can we get our brothers and sisters back from the tall, thick green grasses when our own grasses are filled with weeds and brambles that hurt? How can we enjoy the tall, thick green grasses when our hearts would ache so for those we left?

... they huddle in small groups trying their best to bolster each other, mend the hurting heart, heal the broken spirit, guide the disheartened who feel so lost. They look up at the shepherd who seems to have not even noticed the hurting, injured sheep and shake their heads. When will he begin to care for us? When will come into our midst and listen to our pains? When will he come bring us home?

I want to go to Pastor Roy and tell him that we need a REAL shepherd. We need him to take his shepherd's crook and lead us to fresh water and green grasses. We need him to go to the hurt, the injured, and gently lift them and carry them towards healing - if not physical healing then at least spiritual healing. We need him to keep a positive outlook on the direction his flock needs to go. It is his motivations, His enthusiasm, HIS joy for the work of the church that will infect into each and every one of us and give us enthusiasm, motivation, and joy.

I want to tell him that not visiting all of our church members who are hurt, injured, or lost is abandoning them. 

I want to tell him that we do not invite others to come to our pasture because there is nothing pleasant about our pasture ... the grass truly is greener on the other side. When we dread even entering our valley each day with a dismissive shepherd, why would we want to invite another? If there is no evangelism, then there are no new faces. Those who do wander into our pasture, we greet wholeheartedly. They stay for a few weeks, a month or two, but then they move on to the pastures with the greener grasses. 

We have no pastor led Bible Study, no spiritual growth...nothing, that is, that is led by our shepherd. We set up our own studies, small group, Bible Studies and desperately grasp at straws to draw the correct interpretation of scripture. We flounder.

We don't know each other any longer ... gone are the days of Sunday night suppers, Sunday afternoon picnics, ice cream socials ... the things that would unite the first and second service folks ... the things that made us a family.

We are demoralized. Struggling with lack of programs, lack of participation, lack of committees and leaders and ways to revitalize ourselves. We whisper in the hallways, call each other on the phone. We mumble to each other the things that we believe are failing, things that we wish we were doing, things that we would like to try, how we can succeed. But all of that is within dark shadows, small groups, couples. None are brave enough to bring these concerns into the light. None willing to say, HEY! We NEED DIRECTION!! GUIDE US!!!

I can do it ... I may yet do it. I hear from too many people who are disappointed that Pastor Roy is returning for yet another year. To many people who see the dying church on it's final breath and who fear that another year with Pastor Roy will be like taking a wounded horse to the back of the barn and shooting it. 

I too feel it. Going to one service is admitting that yes, we are a declining church that cares more about hunkering down and surviving for as long as we can rather than revitalizing no matter the cost. And what is that cost? What does revitalization look like? What changes must we each make, individually, to ensure not only the survival of St. Mark's but the thriving of St. Mark's.

I know what surviving is - it is merely going through the motions of living but not engaging in life, it is putting on the pretty colors, painting on the smile, and pretending that everything is alright. Thriving is experiencing new things, trying to be something different, remaking yourself, shaping who you are into something that you like; thriving is living life, not cowering from it ... engaging life, not dismissing it ... enjoying life, without pretense. Thriving is being proactive, not reactive.

A good shepherd is proactive ... our shepherd is reactive and I guess he has been since the day he stepped foot into our fold. 

Someone needs to tell him. I guess that someone will be me...       

Wicked

                                                  Wicked!

DrawSomething 2 word that I got when I was to draw for Pat. I love Wicked so of course the musical,is the very first thing I thought of to draw. I bought a t-shirt the last showing of the musical that I saw so I used it as my reference. I used the spray can for the black, white and Glenda's flesh tone, a crayon for Elphaba's face tone, and the pen for the detail work on the faces and hand. And of course the blinged out finishing touches were done with the glitter pen.

forgive me, Lord

i cried endlessly last night,
my heart was heavy,
my mind raced,
my head heated ...
i am bitterly angry.

i leave the comfort of my bed,
after tossing for an hour,
after kicking my husband twice,
after elbowing his side once ...
i cannot sleep in that bed -

- not with her in the next room,
in my son's room,
invading my space,
my peace,
my grief ...
claiming my family!

and yes, i did listen to her story;
stressed from a 60 hour work week,
little pay that barely pays the bills,
and no ability to further herself in life ...
and i am unsympathetic.

she is jealous of so many others;
young adults who live with their parents,
my own son and daughter
who have help for living expenses
and school ...
a care - free - life.

she is jealous of her sister;
her "sugar daddy",
who has a wife who
"turns a blind eye",
her sister;
who is cared for,
and provided for
for her every need ...
and my neck hairs rankle.

and i want to throw her out
right then and right there.

and forgive me, Lord
but i do not care.
and forgive me, Lord
for my lack of compassion.
and forgive me, Lord
that i wish her to just disappear.

forgive my anger, Lord.
be disappointed in me, Lord,
for honestly ...
i will not change -
- MY husband
will NOT be
her "sugar daddy".

and i will NOT
turn a "blind eye".

forgive me, Lord,
for i hate ...