So he grins and smiles
his smooth
and dull teeth
as if to say, Do you see?
No fangs.
An upward tug of his lips,
a flash of good humor,
and the monster melts away.
It was a shadow. Don't you see?
This man is charming.
Forget I am a monster
his smile says.
It transforms his face,
it does not change the man.
I have my father's face,
I do not have his heart.
Mine bleeds, and so suddenly
my smile fades and is gone.
All they see is my face,
and what my father gave to me.
There goes a monster.
Don't go near her,
there goes a beast.
I smile and I reap kindness
from the hands of strangers.
My smile falls away,
and my sister does not know me.
You so close to my heart,
do you not feel it bleed?
But I have the face of a monster,
and my father gave it to me.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Hope Into Confidence
Today I shared a meal with Pastor Gay Brown Hall, our newly appointed minster charged with shepherding our congregation. It was a delightful meal and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know more about her; we shared stories, we laughed, and yes, I cried...I'm way too sensitive at timepinknow. The reason I share all of this with you is because of the confidence that I am filled with after we parted ways.
I have always had hope in the ongoing ministries within St. Mark's.
I have always held hope for new and continued missions from St. Mark's.
I have always maintained hope of a bright and sustaining future for St. Mark's.
How have I managed to hold this hope? Because of who St. Mark's is. Beyond the buildings and the walls, the altar and the cross, the organ and the paraments. It is you, me, we the people. We who are so welcoming, we who love and share our lives so completely with each, we who are one family in God through Christ Jesus.
This afternoon my hope has been turned into confidence.
I am confident that the ministries of St. Mark's will be ordered as God has need.
I am confident that our outreach and missions here at St. Mark's will have a significant impact upon our local and surrounding communities.
I am confident that God has a plan for St. Mark's that will carry us now and into the future.
I have this confidence because of the assurance I felt from my conversation with Pastor Gay. I am assured that she will work with us and am confident that we will work with her. Together we will discern and vision God's design and path for us. Together we will develop programs and ministries to accomplish great things for God's glory. Ministry with. That is a great feeling that moves me from hope to confidence. I pray that your hope is moved to confidence as well as together, Pastor Gay, your ministry leaders, and you all, work into God's vision for St. Mark's.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Conference, Day Three
Annual Conference
Teaching Study
Welcome Rev. Cooler
The social embodiment of renewal; Trinitarian ecclesiology
Wesley has a Trinitarian understanding of the faith
Wesley's Trinitarian vision of the church
Wesley's Trinitarian understanding of the church in his sermon, "Of the Church"
A deeper, profounder, more robust understanding of the church (Ephesians)
Who properly are the church of God and what is the meaning of the term (church)?
In Wesley's quote, notice how he defines the church in the same Trinitarian vision.
We become God's tabernacle of God here on earth. The church is not simply a means to another end. The church is an end in itself.
John 1 deals with the whole church, the happy and holy communion which the faithful has with the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. The life I live I live in the Son of God and then it is when happiness begins. God is love and whoever dwells in God dwells in love and love in Him.
The love between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit is as wide as an ocean.
Walk down the street of any city in our culture and look at their faces. Are they finding happiness and feeling fulfilled? The answer is because they do not dwell in the love of God.
The more Christians are filled with the triune life of God, the more tenderly they will be concerned with the life of the downcast and down trodden and seek to help them.
Where are we most likely to encounter the triune God? In community!
Do no harm. Do good. Live in grace.
(This study teacher is so over my head that my notes are incomplete and almost incomprehensible. I will not be able to retrieve the words that he is trying to teach let alone share them with others. He uses a LOT of Wesley quotes which are archaic and difficult to understand. I am giving up trying to take snippets of notes that make no sense and I am almost giving up on even listening to him! I'm not sure I understand how any of this is about renewal...)
Need small group connections. In the NT there are two forms of gatherings, large group worship and small group. Jesus taught the crowds but he travelled with, communed with, ate with, prayed with the twelve. In Acts, the crowds gathered on the temple grounds but they broke bread together in small groups in homes. It is in small groups where we are loved, held accountable, uplifted.
We need a deeper, profounder, more radical understanding of renewal. We must have a Trinitarian understanding of God and we must have small group discipleship.
How much connexion do we really have in our churches?
Morning Session
Welcome
Witness of two churches, Basic Church on Staunton District and Westover UMChurch in Charlottesville District w/Video
Westover had 8-10 persons when Rev. Norma Dean arrived 10 years ago. They began having Thursday prayer meetings with sometimes only two people but they prayer. They needed a wheel chair ramp which, through God, was poured that week for only $200. Begun a Wednesday service now that is outside when the weather is nice. Planning a 3,000 ft addition. Unbelievable things have been happening because of their love for Jesus and each other.
Basic UMChurch, Rev. Don Gibson describes Basic 10 years ago as a typical UMC and they began a Spanish Ministry. Bringing together of cultures. Bridge building events where both the Anglo and Latino congregations come together in joint community for meals, worship. (Sermonish language of all the things being done at Basic, which are many and amazing!)
Report of the minutes committee. Minutes of Saturday are in order. Two motions, one for minutes reviewed and one for minutes to be reviewed on July 7. Both motions approved.
Elect Mark Brown as Director of Connectional Ministries. Approved with standing ovation.
Conference offering $145,000 collected yesterday. All this offering goes outside of the conference. Collected $11,000 for No More Malaria yesterday which will save 1,100 lives. 4 Cans 4 Conference is 8,500 pounds. 41,218 kits collected.
Report of the statistician, pg 112 and report of the treasurer, pg 113-116. Housekeeping matter - Shiloh sold by Staunton District. Motion to give monies to the district board of missions. Approved.
UM Foundation, pg. 95
CF&A Report, pg. 117-126 Motion to approve sections one through six. Approved Section seven requires no vote.
Resolutions: Motion that after resolution presentations that discussions be limited to two for, two against, two minutes each. Approved
Resolution 2. Motion to suspend rule because maker is not a member of conference. Approved. According to Parliamentarian Procedure, Conference Boards must speak first must speak first. BoCS: We understand the intent of the resolution but believe that the Board of Pensions should have a voice in this resolution and at the appropriate time will refer the resolution back to BoCS. BoP: refer this resolution to BoCS and BoP for refinement. Both BoCS and BoP recommends non-concurrence of this resolution at this time and hope that Miss Layton will be willing to work with both Boards to refine the resolution. 2 oppose and speak against the resolution. 2 support and speak for the resolution. Motion by BoCS to refer the resolution to BoCS and BoP. Motion approved
Resolution 3. The resolution committee votes concurrence. 2 support and speak for the resolution. 2 oppose this resolution and speak against this resolution. Amendment. Not carried. Resolution 3 carries.
Personal Privilege: 2,361,590 meals packaged over the last year by the Virginia Conference.
Recess before worship service
(I went out here to sit at the York River District table where cushions were being sold. I live steamed the worship service...kind of odd because it was almost five minutes behind what I could here going on in the ballroom. It was amazing to watch and Nancy Yarborough, York River District UMWomen President, was very grateful that I relieved her so she could go in and participate in worship.)
Conference, Day Two
Annual Conference 2014
Teaching Study
Singing our Faith led by the house band which is from Ebenezer UMC in Fredericksburg
Dr. Elmer Coyler
Renewal is not a program: the triune God of the gospel is the primary author of renewal
Basis of renewal
45 year struggle of decline
2011 loss of 72,000, 2012 lost over 80,000 and in 2013 over 90,000
Financial crisis
Cutting staff and programming
We are fairing better in Virginia
Malaise and fear
Conflict and dispensation into warring factions
Do we have real unity?
"Schism means an alien affection for our brother...it is a grievous breach of the law of love..the greater the love, the stricter the union...if you are a living member, take are how you care for the body of Christ by separating from your brother." John Wesley
The deeper issue of "connexion"
Connection alums in the UM Handbook
Connexion in Wesley and early Methodism
Koininea - in Christ we are adopted children of God
Crucial to the church...the essence of the church
The reality...the relationships; person constituting
The institutional forms were not the thing, they were where relationships were built and renewed
Renewal is NOT a program
A winsome fellowship of love connected through Christ Jesus
They will know you are disciples if you love one another
Not first and foremost something we do, it is something the triune God does and has been doing for a very long time
Connexion was not a program, it was a way of life
Found their being in union with God and one another
Acts of renewal
Pray - John 15:1-8
Spiritual renewal - how we behave, what we do
Theological renewal - how we envision God
Alternative was of being and doing church
Trinitarian God that undergirds and is not finished with us yet.
"The UMC is a sleeping giant, oh that God will awake her someday." Billy Graham
Morning Session
Song, Spirit of the Living God
Prayer
Minutes Committee - motion to accept yesterday's minutes. Approved
Laity address by Warren Harper
Lord, renew us with your spirit
At least 21 boards, committees, and task force that I attend on your behalf
Opportunity to use technology to connect with our conference churches
Construction ministries
Use VUMAC if your church has an activity
Connectional ministries
Healthy churches - healthy church initiative
Reflection on mission of the church where 1200 churches have their own vision and mission statement and of course the conference
From the book of discipline - the mission of the church is to "..." (Using the thesaurus to further define the mission) and further reading from paragraph 125; the mission of the church is to make disciples
What's good? What's going well? What's good about this? What can we do better?
Bishop Shinaesy's focus of the church; the goal is to have a focusing (fluid) congregation not a focused one (narrow)
Keep both eyes open for a fuller visual picture, if we close one eye we might just miss the most obvious moment/movement or we may just get tired and let somebody else worry about it
Prayer convocation, May 25th we were to pray for church revival and renewal
We expect of each other that our work is tri-centered, we work for Christ and that it leads to Christ
Lyrics quoted from the Gift of Love
Prayer, Covenant Prayer in the Wesleyan tradition
Equitable Compensations Report, pg 47. All three recommendations approved
Initial CF&A report, pg 113-116. Relatively good financial year. 3 out of four churches paid 100%. Special shout-out to York and Arlington Districts (yay!) action will be taken tomorrow.
Board of pensions, pg. 101-112 w/video. 6 recommendations, all approved
All Things New, pg. 50. More than 90 people in 7 work teams on vital congregations; discipleship circles-must be willing to share our successes and failures...increased spiritual vitality is a number one priority yet we fail to pray out loud, fail to share our faith stories, fail to practice discipleship. Video on YouTube and web-site after conference. www.vaumc.org/discipleshipcircles Prayer
Introduction of Higher Education President of UM owned Colleges (6 of them) w/Video. Pray for our students.
Global ministries recognizes our conference for the highest designated amount of giving, highest amount of missionary support 2013. $1,160,000 to UMCOR and $2.5 million to the Advance
Worship
Litany
Prayer
Song, For Everyone Born
Prayer of Illumination, responsively
Scripture, 2 Cor. 4:7-12
Message, Bishop Hayes Oklahoma Conference
Celebrate missions today and missionaries
We are trying to say more with less words, example is "really?" and "whatever..."
Phrase being used a lot that challenges our faith and undermines our God, "it is what it is"
Prayer
"It is what it is" has become one of the go to expressions of our day. It generally means resignation, hopelessness, and even surrender. Nothing more can be done.
Epidemic of despair and futility in our times and many people have given up or thrown in the towel of hope.
It is at precisely at that point that God is at His best; takes over and takes charge
Story of 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Wales who was mean, strict, "related to Atilla the Hun", "who could walk into an empty room and start a fight." But she taught me that life has margins and we have to stay within the margins.
God works best outside the margins, who gives hope to the hopeless, lifts up the downtrodden, affects the afflicted. Nothing is over with until God has the last word.
Paul Harvey, who is from Oklahoma, story of our limits and God's abilities. 138 years ago Swan's Quarter had no UMC and little hope of improved property prospects so they built on their property that was less than ideal. 1976 a celebration for the completion the church. The next day and fierce storm came in and most of the town had suffered tremendously. Swan's Quarter UMC had been lifted entirely and gently carried down Oyster Creek Road. The members tried to stop the church to no avail. Th church continued on and made it to the center of town and made a sharp right hand town. Members still tried to still it's movement. Then as suddenly as lifted, the church settled upon an empty piece of land in the center of town. The landowner found the minister the next day and presented him with the deed.
We will all face insurmountable odds and circumstances, God will pull out the impossible and make it probable for God will always have the last word.
Paul describes four situations where he could have said "it is what it is". But he never did. Afflicted but not crushed ... (see scripture)
Today we celebrate the UMC of the Virginia Conference, one of the most outstanding conferences (if not the most outstanding) that reaches out to people, making a difference.
Whatever happens to us in this ministry of ours, do not give up, do not surrender, do not throw in the towel; give in to the power of God
Story of communion with little children who had never par taken of communion before. He gave each a piece of the bread dipped in the wine and watched that surreal moment unfold as they, wide eyed, received the bread as he wondered if they understood what it meant to receive the body and the blood. Months later he received a letter from the children asking, "when are you coming back to feed us the food of the God?"
That is what wears to be in the world, Virginia Conference.
Song, Christ Has Broken Down the Wall
Commissioning of the Missionaries-Pat Watkins, Missionary to Caretakers of God's Creation
Prayer
Commissioning Ceremony
Deaconess Commissioning, Laarni BiBay and Anselma Samson both at Resurrection UMC
Definition of Deaconess
Commissioning Ceremony
Prayer
Litany
Offertory with Amazing Grace sung in Korean by Rev. Moon of the York River District, Ghana Rev. Nkrumah of the Alexandria District, Spanish by Rev. Colon of the Arlington District, ASL by Rev. Vaugn, and the conference band.
Prayer for offering, potatoes, 4 cans for Conference, and Kits
Thank you Holy Rollers
Song,Build Your Kingdom
Closing Litany
Retirement Ceremony
Litany
Prayer
Song, Joyful Joyful
Scripture Joel 2:25-32
NT John 15:1-5
Message, Jim Noland
"What a long strange trip it is"..."we're not dead yet"..."Lord, Renew Us in Your Spirit."
What were we like when we were new? When we had energy and enthusiasm and we began to change the world?
When we were new:
As human beings
Adam and Eve stopped listening to God and listened to another voice.
As Christians
Pentecost
Heard the apostles in their own language and assumed they were drunk but it was only 9:00 AM and 3,000 were added that day
Accountability in telling the story - blown out of our comfort zone, where the people were, speaking in their own language but something has happened...
Paul baptized disciples into the power of the Holy Spirit, the only time we hear of rebaptism in the NT
God becomes an idea, not a living vital powerful force that is quite dangerous; the Holy Spirit can be quite dangerous, it calls into places that we do not want to go
When the church is open to that power then something happens
When a God becomes an idea then God becomes what we want
John Wesley had no doubt that the people called Methodists would continue but he was fearful that they would become a dead sect
We're not dead yet, God is NOT through with the people called Methodists and will renew us with fresh spirit
Song, As We Go
Recognition of the retirees
Song, As We Go
Prayer
Song, Trees Of The Fields
Benediction
Teaching Study
Rev. Coyler
Character of each conference is very different, thank you for your hospitality
The triune God and Trinitarian Gospel: The heart of renewal
Renewal always begins with a vision, see new visions and dream new dreams.
Most seminarians have two visions of the church-
Shepherd/sheep method
Pastor as CEO model
Connection, where we come to know the love of God, is not really the ethos of either of these methods of the church. Connection happens inspite of
American Vision of the church, Ministry and God which is not really Trinitarian but instead a doctrine of the ONE God and has played a far more pivotal role.a giant misguided puzzle
Trinitarian vision of god and salvation in Wesley and early Methodism
Revisionist a different vision of the church, of God, of renewal
Part of the vibrant and transformative movement is rooted in its Trinitarian perspective
The trinity takes us to the very heart of vital Christian faith and life
Til God the Holy Ghost witnesses to God the Father even as He witnesses through God the Son through the Spirit of God.
Gospel and salvation are Trinitarian
Come to know God the Father through the grace God the Son, Jesus Christ, by way of the Holy Spirit
The living triune God has loved us always and forever
What is renewal anyway?
Wesley always understands the gospel, he knows the gospel, he reads the gospel in Trinitarian terms
The love of god is shed apart in the Holy Spirit
God is continually breathing upon her soul
Christian Perfection is also defined in the Trinitarian vision
Afternoon Session
Witness of two churches, Norfolk UMC in Elizabeth River District and The Vine in the Arlington District. Video.
Pastor Sherry of Norfolk UMC and two lay persons-only God has allowed us to come this far through faith, be the church that God called us to be and be the church God meant us to be. Blessed Assurance. Increase in stewardship around 60% each month; building phase 2; increase in membership about 75%; we never gave up; increase in ministries where some were discontinued, some reworked, and some new. Our story is about leaders and people in the pews willing to take the risk.
Pastor Todd of The Vine UMC planted in a location where a church was closed. That church began looking at renewal and determined that closing to make way for a church planter was the way to go. Desperate situations is sometimes the best time for renewal. 9 people who voted to close their church one week and came the. Next week to see what God would do. People are there from many countries.
Common Table Report, pg. 51-54, 57-58. Video. Holy conferencing related to human sexuality are not in the book but are charged with the conferencing of it,and will keep you informed. Imagine No Malaria. 1 recommendation approved. 1 motion to raise funds to save 100,000 lives with every church taking part. Passes. Video. Bishop's happy dance that spurred spontaneous giving. Text Malaria Va 27722. Bishop donates $3,000.
60 children enrolled in childcare at Wesley UMC
Election of Officers, pg 54-56. Approved
Shirley Kaufman talks about the fly swatter and Birthday Card for No Malaria. Every minute one life is snuffed out because of Malaria
Recognitions:
Henry Denman Evangelism Award winners, Rev. David M. Birch at Vision of Hope UMC and Mr. David W. Bailey at Trinity UMC James River District and Miss Casey Marie Heinlein at Burke UMC
Site Selection, Doug Geeting, pg. 87Resolutions, pg 127-135
Prayer
Resolution #1 - the resolution committee does not make a recommendation to this resolution. Makers of the resolution are not delegates of the Conference. Motion to postpone indefinitely due to the fact that the Virginia Conference is beginning conference wide holy conferencing on human sexuality. Discussion. Motion prevails.
Adjournment
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
Renew A Fresh Spirit, Lord
Annual Conference 2014
Laity Session
Cross Purposes kicks off the session!
Three songs the last being from Mercy Me called Shake
Lay Leader Warren Harper welcomes us to this celebratory time
Song, Draw Me Close To You
Scripture, Ephesians 4:1-16 NIV
The scripture in Spanish (very poor Spanish by a NON Spanish speaking person! This is both very sad and very embarrassing...everyone sits uncomfortably wanting to just pull the correct pronunciations from her throat as she stumbles, staggers, and falls over each word spoken. Some believe this is very insulting. Why didn't the Lay Leader ask a lay member who speaks Spanish to read the scripture? Why didn't she consult a Spanish speaking person) NIV
The scripture read yet again by a young person (seems like stereotyping) The Message
Liturgical Dance performed by Gabby Burge, age 12, from Wellspring
Lay Leader Warren Harper speaks of Pastor Shinaesy's Book on worship
GBD path one section - creative, vital worship
Sacrament - weekly communion; center us
liturgical - the word of the people
indigenous - faithful to the relevant matter called church; worship is about offering our best to our place and to our people
connected - important that we are one in Christ, one in ministry, one in mission
embodied - gifts are entrusted to each of us; we use our bodies to express our love for our Lord and savior Jesus Christ
To give our best to God
Song, Breathe
Prayer
Presentation by three youth about the Fusion Retreat at Eagle Eire which is a Tri-District retreat (Danville, Farmville, Lynchburg) with 350 youth
Video
Description of small group discussions
Missions in four stations: education, Teddy Bear Brigade (to war torn nations), Stop Hunger Now (over 21,000 meals packaged) and prayer station (clean water facts, poverty and injustices in the world)
VWorship message was Illuminate - taking the light of God out to show and share with others.
Brian Bateer, Danville District youth coordinator
National Gathering of youth in Orlando at the World Marriott Center, June 24-28 2015
Video about Youth 2015, Y15
Reverend Lynn Litchfield, Women's Prison Chaplain Services
Drama about an incarcerated woman, Hope, praying to God (awesomeness, as usual...love this gal!).
1,250 women incarcerated in Virginia's prison in Fluvanna
Today at Fluvanna, Hope will find Chaplain Perry inside the prison where chaplains have been serving for more than 100 years; not state employees, but our employees - missionaries that are so often "out of sight, out of mind"
Toiletry kits at Christmas time are always welcome
Our chaplains at our state prisons are currently part time and the juvenile system has no chaplain at all; we are seeking full time chaplains at each major prison and part time at the smaller jail systems
With God's help, 27,000 men and women can return to society a better person, better parents, better workers; God needs our help, without us where will Hope be?
For more information? Fill out the orange card (I did)
Virginia Conference Wellness Ministries, Charles Reynolds
Begun when Bishop Kammerer was here
Bishop Cho says no spiritual growth, no vital congregations; true with physical health
Human beings are created by God as body, mind, and spirit which are totally interwoven
Pastors, who are charged with the care of the congregation, often neglect their personal care and the care of their families; we, as laity, need to be the ones to check the pulse of the pastor
Personal care is extremely personal; do not assume responsibility for your Pastors health decisions
Pray fervently for your pastor and family
Make a mental note of how much time the pastor is spending in ministry
Is the pastor available 24/7 to the congregation? Suggest a day of sabbath; suggest a vacation - four weeks per year including Sundays
Encourage SPRC to arrange pastor supply to fill the pulpit
Encourage the pastor to participate in a pastor support group and/or covenant groups
Encourage continuing education
Jesus provided the model for personal care; ensure your Pastor follows that model
Thank you for the time and God bless you
Recognition of Lay Servant Academy, David and Johnnie - directors
Video of the Lay Servant Academy which is held in February at VUMAC
The past five years have been very rewarding; Virginia will be the host of the 2015 Lay Servants Academy of the SE Jursdiction in Williamsburg
Prayer
Afternoon Session
Called to order by Bishop Cho, the 232nd Annual Conference
Song, And Are We Yet Alive (accapela)
Opening Prayer, Raymond Wrenn's 74th Assembly, and Noell Schoeman's 1st.
Appreciation expressed to planning committee and the York River District
Greetings by Joe Carson, York River District Superintendent
Greetings by Booker Brown, York River District Lay Leader
Introductions of guests and recognition of previous bishops
Motion that bar of conference be set by Joe Carson. Motion carries
Motion that agenda be approved by Joe Carson. Approved
Motion of Susan Reeves be elected as secretary by Joe Carson. Approved
Motion of assistant secretaries and editor of the journal by Joe Carson. Approved
Motion to appoint Committees with Tim Tate as clergy teller from Roanoke by Joe Carson. Approved
Announcements by Susan Reeves including time for addendums to agenda as well as removal of consent agenda items
Recognize the Rules Committee Chair, Stephen Bray
And Here We Go Again, Bishop Cho's Episcopal Address
My prayer for conference is Lord, You Do It. Lord, you please do it.
We are making progresses
All Things New has moved from maintenance to fruitfulness in making vital congregations
Clergy Leadership Program has had 18 clergy complete
39 clergy joined in the spiritual renewal to Korea
Strengthening the foundation to save our denomination through All Things New
No spiritual vitality, No vital congregation
Prayer convocation team developed the spiritual disciplines covenant; more that 200 churches, 40%, have signed to be a prayer covenant congregation
May 25th was set as a conference wide day of prayer
My focus has been:
New faith communities, 28 since I became Bishop.
120 pastors received training
Restructuring of the common table
Long term financial strategy
We have a long way to go:
Vital congregation statistics and data
Discipleship circle
Imagine No Malaria
Spiritual discipline, act of mercy
Vital balance between acts of mercy and and acts of piety
Hope to touch more than 100,000 lives
Hope every church participate
Ask the youth and young adult to lead this initiative
Starting 3 new faith communities
2016 General Conference will be faced with many issues involving human sexuality; conference wide conversation of this issue and pray for the future of the UMC
We desperately need revival
God, renew me first
Song, Spirit of the Living God
Recognize Shan Sixby, COSROW, pg. 81
Galatians 6:10
37% reports by female and 86% were white
Reference to MLK's I Have A Dream and an alter his speech slightly
Report of the Cabinet, pg. 40
Historical Society Meeting
Announcements by Bishop
Song, Alleluia
Adjourned (early!)
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
tonight i am old again
tomorrow morning i will be
two again and scared of the shadows.
i will be two again and i will not
look out the window unless you are
holding my hand,
i will be two again and my father will
be the biggest man on earth again
but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen, i am
holding the world in my chest and it is
beating like a heart (well then it must be my heart)
china digs a pattern in my backbone and i
am red red red red red
i am a communist daughter and
the trains to shanghai will leave something
to be desired
i am eighteen, i am
all the life in the world
stacked around a schoolruined spine
and the world moves softly and she
touches me gently with her face
and then slides away
into the night.
tomorrow morning i will be
five again and i will be happy,
i will be five again and i will not
look at my body the way my mother looks at her body,
i will be five again
and people will just be pretty, people will just be
"beautiful" and "more beautiful,"
tomorrow morning
people will just be
people
but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and money is more important than love
so when they pull up in their cars i'll get in
and forget that my body is a heart, too,
tonight i am eighteen and
i'll forget that i am a person, too
tomorrow morning i'll be sixteen again
and scared of taxes
i'll be sixteen again and scared of time
and the wind will scare me and the trees will scare me
and my heart beat-beating in my chest
will scare me,
i'll be sixteen again and
the adult world will scare me
but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and mental illness has a colour scheme
and i am all the life in the world
crammed in some experimental capsule
("first time's free")
i am eighteen and the world
is soft and dark and
i lick the corners and they smile up at me
tonight i am eighteen, and i am
eighty-five, and i am
worn and unafraid.
two again and scared of the shadows.
i will be two again and i will not
look out the window unless you are
holding my hand,
i will be two again and my father will
be the biggest man on earth again
but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen, i am
holding the world in my chest and it is
beating like a heart (well then it must be my heart)
china digs a pattern in my backbone and i
am red red red red red
i am a communist daughter and
the trains to shanghai will leave something
to be desired
i am eighteen, i am
all the life in the world
stacked around a schoolruined spine
and the world moves softly and she
touches me gently with her face
and then slides away
into the night.
tomorrow morning i will be
five again and i will be happy,
i will be five again and i will not
look at my body the way my mother looks at her body,
i will be five again
and people will just be pretty, people will just be
"beautiful" and "more beautiful,"
tomorrow morning
people will just be
people
but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and money is more important than love
so when they pull up in their cars i'll get in
and forget that my body is a heart, too,
tonight i am eighteen and
i'll forget that i am a person, too
tomorrow morning i'll be sixteen again
and scared of taxes
i'll be sixteen again and scared of time
and the wind will scare me and the trees will scare me
and my heart beat-beating in my chest
will scare me,
i'll be sixteen again and
the adult world will scare me
but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and mental illness has a colour scheme
and i am all the life in the world
crammed in some experimental capsule
("first time's free")
i am eighteen and the world
is soft and dark and
i lick the corners and they smile up at me
tonight i am eighteen, and i am
eighty-five, and i am
worn and unafraid.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
An Essay by myPie
4/16, 7 Years On
Pierce Sprague
I’d always felt a disconnect between myself and the events of April 16, 2007.
I was a sophomore in high school. Throughout the years, I’d already seen a host of tragedies fill my television screen—Columbine, 9/11, Katrina, the Indian Ocean tsunami, each a devastating event on its own. Combined with the ongoing turmoil in the Middle East, I was desensitised to the violence that dominated the news by 2007. None of it affected me directly, and the Virginia Tech shooting was no exception. It was sad and, as a Virginia resident, hit much closer to home than the afore mentioned events, but there was no personal connection that led me to grieve the it.
It sounds cruel—“How couldn’t you grieve the undeserved deaths of 32 people?” you ask. And perhaps you’re right; maybe grieve isn’t the appropriate term here. But these were individuals whose existences were naught but a glimmer of recognition that people do, in fact, teach and study at Virginia Tech. No names. No faces. No personalities. When I saw the list of victims, it was just black ink on a sheet of white newspaper to me. I felt bad for them, of course, and I couldn’t understand—and still can’t—what would compel someone to take the lives of 32 innocent individuals. But it was hard to empathise with a situation I knew nothing about. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t.
I still remember the setting when I first heard the news. It was my second class of the day, Honors Government, with Mrs. Bibi. Tyrod Taylor, a superstar high school quarterback who would go on to break all sorts of records at Virginia Tech, was also in that class. Honors Tyrod, we jokingly called it; Mrs. Bibi was infatuated with the man. He had recently committed to play his college ball as a Hokie starting the following fall.
Now, let me demonstrate our youthful insensitivity.
Mrs. Bibi got a notification on her laptop about a developing situation at Virginia Tech. She told us what was happening and hushedly asked if any of us had friends or relatives at school. None of us did, and all at once, our attention shifted to Tyrod Taylor. “Does this mean you’ll decommit?” “What’s your backup school?” “Do you really want to play for a school whose reputation has just been tarnished?”
We were naïve, but it was all we knew.
By the time I got to Virginia Tech, the massacre was two-and-a-half years old. Students who were freshmen when the shooting took place were seniors when I arrived. The wound was still visible, but it had almost scabbed over, and most of the clotting had been done before I ever set foot in Blacksburg.
As the third annual candlelight vigil took place in 2010, I was aHokie, but I still didn’t understand.
Four years have passed since then, and while the event is forever engraved into the foundation of Hokie Nation, its impact on the student body has lessened. Every year, most students will take to Twitter and Facebook with posts of “neVer forgeT” and “We are Virginia Tech. We will prevail,” but the personal connections are largely non-existent. April 16 is no longer a solemn day; it’s a day of elapsed memorial, recalling people we never knew, events we never experienced, emotions we never felt.
But this year, my fifth year here at Tech, I had an inexplicably empathetic realisation.
I am a Hokie.
I came across a personal account of the events written by a woman who was a freshman at the time.* Her story was so descriptive, so deeply moving that I felt every emotion that eluded me for 7 years. I was finally able to put myself in the shoes of a student from that day. Every detail was exclusive to a Hokie; as I read the story, I was her. I finally understood.
All at once, I was flooded by the emotions that every student must’ve felt that April 16.
It was terrifying, unceremonious, confusing, devastating, humbling, enlightening—all at once. I was scattered, inquisitive, misinformed, shaken, rooted to the spot. Guilty. Remorseful.
Helpless.
Then, I found the takeaway. I found what strengthened Hokie Nation in those dark days. I found what inspires our altruistic sense of community.
Human interactions are among the most important aspects of our lives. Building relationships and spreading joy to everyone we meet brings our community closer together and makes everything more enjoyable. We can never know when a life-altering event will occur; we have to cherish every moment with every person we have around us.
We’re all in this life together.
Don’t we want to make it worthwhile?
That’s what April 16 represents. That’s what being a Hokie means.
It took me 7 years to really understand what happened that day, but now, I will neVer forgeT.
It was more than a tragedy. It was a change of perception, a change of mind. An awakening.
And with it, we are stronger than we were before.
*”Live for 32,” a post by Kristen Bernhards (maiden name) on her personal blog, April 16, 2012.
Link: http://paintspeckledpawprints.blogspot.com/2012/04/live-for-32.html?spref=fb
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
It's Not Supposed To Be ...
... Me!
I am not the one who is supposed to be doing this.
I am not the one who went to seminary.
I am not a minister.
Why would he announce that he will still be our pastor and yet shirk ALL of his worship responsibilities? Why did I feel obligated to step in and come up with the services?
I can't do this!! It is too hard!! It is beyond my capabilities!!
I am tired...
And I am spent...
There is nothing left within me...
I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers, and cry.
The Moon Has Eyes
The moon has eyes and He's watching you
Be as quiet as you can
All day and night
When you lie
They cry
Those bloody tears,
But fear what you do not know
For the moon has eyes that cries bloody tears,
That watch every move you make
Every step you take
The moon is watching you.
As you sleep,
If you do
The moon knows what you dream
He sees inside your head
As He sees everything,
Through out the world
He is the lord of night and sight
As day turns to light,
The moon is dark and dangerous
But beautiful and exciting.
The Moon That Has Eyes And Cries Bloody Tears Is Watching You.
Use caution,
Watch what you do
You cant get away,
Everywhere you go
You’ll be seen
Even if your keen,
You can run
But you can't hide
From the moon that has eyes.
Watch what you do
You cant get away,
Everywhere you go
You’ll be seen
Even if your keen,
You can run
But you can't hide
From the moon that has eyes.
Be as quiet as you can
You can't lie
To the moon that sees everything,
Those eyes might go away
For as night turns to day
But, you know He knows
What you're doing.
To the moon that sees everything,
Those eyes might go away
For as night turns to day
But, you know He knows
What you're doing.
All day and night
When you lie
They cry
Those bloody tears,
But fear what you do not know
For the moon has eyes that cries bloody tears,
That watch every move you make
Every step you take
The moon is watching you.
As you sleep,
If you do
The moon knows what you dream
He sees inside your head
As He sees everything,
Through out the world
He is the lord of night and sight
As day turns to light,
The moon is dark and dangerous
But beautiful and exciting.
The Moon That Has Eyes And Cries Bloody Tears Is Watching You.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
So here ... so Her
So tonight I made a BIG mistake. I was asked if we know who our new minister is. I said yes, because in truth we do, and just like every other time I have been asked I said "but we can't say who it is until telling Sunday on May 18th". Lesley continued with "I hope he's young with a family." Here was my mistake - "she has a dogter." The 'she' killed me.
Lesley said "well that is going to decimate the church!" "Why, because she doesn't have children?" I'm way too naive. "No," she rolled on. "Foxhill lost half it's membership when we got a woman minister. Half!"
I thought about what she said. I think that any minister that followed Mike Nobles, who had ministered First, Foxhill for seventeen years (I've been told), would have been crucified. It is the same at St. Mark's. I mean really did Roy ever even stand a chance following Jeff? We could have had Jesus Christ follow Jeff and half the congregation would have left. Seriously.
Will we, at St. Mark's, be accepting of a woman minister? I had truly thought so until I heard Lesley's remark. Now I am not so sure.
Reverend Hall is coming to us because Joe perceived conflict within our church and she is a pro at conflict resolution. I wish I could have told him that we have no conflict except with our current minister ... but ... well, our feelings for Roy were crystal clear to Joe and he determined that we are conflictual and need some resolving.
So I pray for Reverend Hall, that our ministerial conflicts began with and end with Roy and that there is no lingering side-effects. I pray that our congregation be open-minded. I pray that we warmly greet and accept Reverend Hall for who she is and not resent her for who she is not. Jeff is gone and he will not be sent back into our fold. May we embrace Reverend Hall and acknowledge that sometimes change is indeed good.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Ministry to the ... Whom?
It has been a VERY long time since my last blog post ... this, in fact, is the first of 2014 and we are now fully three months into the new year!
As you all know, I tend to fly off the handle over the littlest of things. At least now I find that I can write the rave out in an email and never send it, but I do feel better after the vent. This then, is yet, another of those "unsent" emails.
This is addressed to Pastor Roy:
Sent from my mini
As you all know, I tend to fly off the handle over the littlest of things. At least now I find that I can write the rave out in an email and never send it, but I do feel better after the vent. This then, is yet, another of those "unsent" emails.
This is addressed to Pastor Roy:
When Rev. Carson met with the SPRC in February, he asked us a question about the community around our church. I had heard, at one time, Pastor Jeff say that the community around St. Mark's is largely single mothers. I don't know how accurate that is. I mostly see elderly right behind the church. White. Middle class. Cherry Acres has more Blacks. Younger, maybe. Even there though I don't see as many children as I once did. Rev. Carson asked if we were ministering to the people God is bringing to us or are we too focused on youth. I do get that the young is the future of anything, including churches. I also believe that the Methodist church no longer practices the Wesley methodology...we do not go to prisons, we do not go to the hospitals, we no longer educate the children of the poor. Preschool is now offered through the city for three year olds, especially those below a certain income. Sunday school is no longer the place to educate children as it was in Wesley's day. And families are much more mobile now than in the past. Gone are the days of the generational church. And there are many sports and arts programs that devour the time of our children and there parents. Sunday is no longer sabbath, sacred. Church is not competitive against the morays of society. As a parent, when my kids were young, I chose to ensure my kids did not play sports on Sunday. Not many parents do that. Sports are competitive, and an edge is needed for scholarships, for college, for a shot at a future and it all begins when in youth sports on traveling teams. And quite honestly, young people today want to be entertained and church isn't entertaining, unless it is a Water's Edge style church that is hugely fun, highly scripted, well rehearsed. Maybe Rev. Carson is right and we should develop ministries to those God is bringing us...the more aged than young. We have so many folks who came to us from the Chamberlain, folks who are active, involved, stepping into positions of leadership. Folks like the Bollenbachers, the Storches, the Griffiths. Ageless Warriors is one of our most successful ministries. As is/was (is it still going?) the Chamberlain Bible Study. If these are the people God is placing in our paths, why do we struggle so with resources and finances we don't have to try to lure young families with children? Have we ever gone to God and asked for His guidance? Churches are tidal, there is an ebb and flow. Right now we seem grey headed, slow footed, sightless, and deaf but we are doing powerful work. Five years ago we had so many infants the nursery nearly burst at the seams. I am confident we will again, eventually...maybe in a St. Mark's that looks very different than now and maybe not in my lifetime. For now God is bringing us people who are 55 and older. They are capable, competent, and willing. I say let's pray for more Bollenbachers. Let's form ministry programs that will serve them and through which they may serve. Let us increase our acts of mercy. Let us act justly. Advocate for systemic change to improve the lives of the disadvantaged. Let us be salty to show the flavors of God to those who need a taste of life. Let us be light to show the colors of God to those who live in the shadow. The grey headed are not yet dead, there is life in this church. Let us remain optimistic and encouraging. The cup is not half empty.
I don't know the future of Kids for Christ. Was it innovative? Yes. Do the children it serves enjoy it? Yes. Are they learning about God, Christ, the Holy Spirit, Scripture, Prayer? I don't know. They play games, run around, learn about cooperation, trust, fairness, taking turns and sharing. Has the program grown? No. Has it met any of the expectations of you, the students, SPRC, or Ad Council? No. Why? Because there was no congregational ownership? Because the parents were never encouraged to get excited about the program? To volunteer in the program? To support the program? Because parents today are just flat out different than I was and people older than I are? I participated in every age and stage of my children's life stages. Preschool choir, I brought snacks and set up the snack room with other parents. Early elementary, I worked with another mother on a children's ministry program. Late elementary, I taught Sunday School. I volunteered at VBS as they went through elementary school. Ted volunteered in youth as they hit middle school. I directed youth bell choir and helped with the children's bell choir and drama. Now my kids are grown. I have no grandchildren. I did my service to ensure my children had programs and activities. Parents today don't do that. It's sad really. Parents today seem to only want the easy path, programs and ministries that are already fully established and highly functional, programs that require no work or commitment from them, programs that allow them to forget they have children for an hour or two. At least it seems that way to me. I don't think you should be putting your energies into Kids for Christ any longer. Come May, your investment is spent and ours takes over. Now you need to focus on your primary job, worship. We had a worship committee meeting tonight and not one of use knew if you want to do a Maundy Thursday Service or Good Friday Service. Those are important days in the life of the church and we have no idea what is going on. And after? Pentecost, then your last Sunday. What are the plans for worship that day?
I'm sorry I'm not saying anything you want to hear. You came to a church very much led by its minister and that, without that "we will do this" guidance, is lost and floundering. I think the leadership expected you to be the same...have the creativity, imagination, and charisma to pull us along with you but you weren't that way. You came off sabbatical expecting to find a high functioning church with great leaders. Instead you found a bunch of whiny babies who didn't want to work to lead but to instead just follow.
I'm sorry I'm not saying anything you want to hear. You came to a church very much led by its minister and that, without that "we will do this" guidance, is lost and floundering. I think the leadership expected you to be the same...have the creativity, imagination, and charisma to pull us along with you but you weren't that way. You came off sabbatical expecting to find a high functioning church with great leaders. Instead you found a bunch of whiny babies who didn't want to work to lead but to instead just follow.
I will lead worship Sunday if you do leave town. I tried to talk Shelby into working with the children but she is uncomfortable doing that. She is at the age where she is searching, seeking, and questioning her own beliefs and feels she is inappropriate to lead others in spiritual formation. And honestly, if that isn't what Kids for Christ is doing, developing spiritual formation and disciplines in our children, then it failed before it began.
Sent from my mini
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About Me
- meMonica
- I've been told that I am a pessimistic optimist who looks at the worst first but sees the hope always. I'm extremely dichotomous and ridiculously prejudiced. I love laughing though I never get the joke. I love watching the leaves dancing on the trees in the breeze, the clouds roll by through a deep blue sky and the stars twinkle at night. I am governed by the moon. I was dropped off, left under a rock in the New Mexico desert one dark night by the mother ship and I am anxiously awaiting my ride home - whatever planet that may be. The curious thing - my friends all agree.
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