Psalms Of Ascents—120

WEEK 1: PSALM 120

REPENTANCE

https://youtu.be/JYfzcYohWZg

Repentance means to “turn to or toward.” 

The psalmist writes, “Too long I have had my dwelling among those who hate peace. I am for peace.” 

By setting our sights on the cross, desiring to imitate Christ, we discover that there are places, things, attitudes and behaviors that we will need to leave behind, to never pursue.

https://youtu.be/ogGOlGswStA

This first psalm is placed in a remote and foreign location far from home (in Meshech and Kedar–good luck finding those on a map). The pilgrim has a very strong sense of being out of place and not belonging. It’s not just that the location is far from the temple, it’s also the fact that lies and deception, conflict and war are the preoccupation of those on every side.

Let’s pray for peace, speak up for peace, and set our hearts on journeying closer to God this year. Don’t live like someone settled down and at ease especially with the hatred, conflicts and deception that is too common around us. Shake it off and set your direction to head home to God. Let’s start climbing!

Father God in Heaven,

I am feeling restless, scattered, far from home. In my relentless pursuit of home I find myself in a war—a battle within (for I do that which I do not want to do) and a battle without (I am an alien in a secular society). I long for peace Abba Father, a journey from restlessness to rest. I desire only you; bring peace upon my aching heart Lord God as I journey toward you.

For it is only through Christ that I am made righteous unto you that I lift my prayer.

Amen and amen

forgive me, Lord

i cried endlessly last night,
my heart was heavy,
my mind raced,
my head heated ...
i am bitterly angry.

i leave the comfort of my bed,
after tossing for an hour,
after kicking my husband twice,
after elbowing his side once ...
i cannot sleep in that bed -

- not with her in the next room,
in my son's room,
invading my space,
my peace,
my grief ...
claiming my family!

and yes, i did listen to her story;
stressed from a 60 hour work week,
little pay that barely pays the bills,
and no ability to further herself in life ...
and i am unsympathetic.

she is jealous of so many others;
young adults who live with their parents,
my own son and daughter
who have help for living expenses
and school ...
a care - free - life.

she is jealous of her sister;
her "sugar daddy",
who has a wife who
"turns a blind eye",
her sister;
who is cared for,
and provided for
for her every need ...
and my neck hairs rankle.

and i want to throw her out
right then and right there.

and forgive me, Lord
but i do not care.
and forgive me, Lord
for my lack of compassion.
and forgive me, Lord
that i wish her to just disappear.

forgive my anger, Lord.
be disappointed in me, Lord,
for honestly ...
i will not change -
- MY husband
will NOT be
her "sugar daddy".

and i will NOT
turn a "blind eye".

forgive me, Lord,
for i hate ...

My Wish For Them

I wish there were words to ease their pain.

I wish there was some comfort that I could throw upon them both like a warm wooly blanket.

I wish love didn't have to include heartbreak.

I wish them, more than anything, some peace.

:'(

Extravagant Giving - Yeah Right ...

Maybe I'm totally crazy ...
Maybe I will be in huge trouble from myHubby ...
When is extravagant giving going too far? Not far enough?

I went into Farm Fresh, bought a few things, came out of Farm Fresh and there was a slightly older than middle-aged gentleman in a wheel chair who was pandering. He claimed to be a Veteran but that wasn't important. He claimed to have been homeless but just recently was able to get a place and needed funds for food and things for the apartment but even that wasn't important. What was important was that he was the first panderer I had seen since I had gotten this huge gut feeling to give funds to a person in need.

Except --

-- except I didn't do what I should have done.

Give all that you have to one who has nothing.

You see I have been carrying $500.00 around with me while I try to decide if I want to buy an iPad. "What do you need an iPad for?"
That question has been haunting me for two months. So now I have been walking around for a week and a half with the funds to purchase one and haven't yet.

Give all that you have to one who has nothing.

Except --


-- except that I couldn't bring myself to give it all away. I gave the slightly older than middle-aged gentleman in the wheel chair who may or may not have been a Veteran and who may or may not have had a recently acquired apartment a mere 10 %. That's right, $50.00 of the $500.00.

I guess that means that I have failed ... didn't even come close to passing the test.

Give all that you have to one who has nothing.
The slightly older than middle-aged gentleman in the wheel chair was extremely grateful, even gave me a hug as his eyes brimmed with tears.
I felt only slightly blessed.

Give all that you have to one who has nothing.

I have failed you God. Forgive me ... please.


Update:
I got into the car, still feeling some guilt and shame and knowing that I had failed God and let him down, and started driving when I heard a song on K-Love before I even got off of Diggs. I don't know who sings the song or what the title of the song is but the words that I heard were: he's not mad at you, he's not disappointed in you or something like that. I can't find it on K-Love or in lyric search but I know what I heard and it was amazing because it was like God himself telling me that it was alright and that he wasn't mad at me for the choice that I made or disappointed. His grace is more than sufficient.

Look for the signs and wonders of God. Tell others of the signs and wonders of God. Be filled with awe again.


Wow!

Dimly I see

FOR NOW WE SEE IN A MIRROR DIMLY ...

NOW I KNOW IN Part

BUT THEN FACE TO FACE ...

THEN I WILL KNOW FULLY 

JUST AS I ALSO HAVE BEEN FULLY KNOWN

Lord give me patience 

to wait upon you and your ways

Grant me the spirit of calm

in the midst of this tragedy

comfort my soul and guide all my ways

i know it's not all about me but still ...

sometimes i think that i prefer the god of my childhood - 
     - the god who told me to invest all my energies in him
     - the god who told me the only relevant relationship in my life is the relationship i am to have with him
     - the god who demanded all my attention, all my devotion, all my love

here in my adult life, with my adult mind, i find that God is a god who is all about relationships -
     - personal relationship with God himself
     - social relationship with people
     - just relationship with all things around me

when i was a kid people were not very significant in my life. i wasn't invested in people, didn't form relationships with people (or at lest didn't form lasting relationships with people), didn't particularly 'love' or care about people.

now i'm an adult and i find that having a relationship with God through Christ Jesus means being in relationship with others, 'loving' those around me, being vulnerable and caring for them.

honestly, right now, that stinks!
honestly, right now, i find that i just want to curl up in a ball and shut out the world and pretend that the God of my adulthood never made such demands on me.
honestly, right now, i believe, that the God of my adulthood is crueler than the god of my childhood. 
     how cruel it is for God to demand that i 'love' others and then to cause them to be ripped from heart.
     how dare God cause me to deeply care for another and then burden my heart so with the prospect of his death.
     how could God bring me to a point of vulnerability and then crush my soul and cause such pain?
     how could a 'loving' God do this to any one at all;
          why does suffering have to exist?
          why can't God recreate the Garden, Utopia, sanctuary?
          why doesn't He bring about His kingdom on Earth now?

i sit here and feel the pain and hurt of the suffering of a dear friend, of the pain and sorrow that he and his wife and family are going through.
i sit here and shed tears for him, for her, for their dearest friends, for myself.

it was easier when i was kid and didn't have to feel. and i imagine that, since i am created in the likeness of God, that these feelings are not lost upon God. i imagine God feeling these same feelings; the hurt, the pain, the suffering, the sorrow. i don't believe that God ever intended life to be so filled with such heartache when He created all of the universe and everything within it.

i long for the light to guide us through the darkness. i long for the strength that surpasses all understanding. i pray for the comfort and care of my friend and for his wife and family and friends. i seek comfort for my own self this night as i weep and grieve for the inevitable loss.

why do we have to get sick, why do we have to die, why must we be separated one from another? i don't pretend to understand; i pray only for the patience to wait upon the Lord for God's Kingdom come when i will be reunited with those that i have cared about ... those that i have 'loved' ... those that my heart longs to see.

you are in my prayers jim and joann.
you are being remembered this night bill and mary alice.
my heart breaks with yours sally.
my thoughts turn to my st. mark's family this night especially.
my soul cries out to my Lord and my God and i thirst.
    

Spirit-Filled

To Christ,
to you sweet RileyRoo,
and to the Holy Spirit,
be all honor and glory
now and for ever.
Amen

For Creativity

Thanksgiving for the Creative Endeavour

In carving the wood; in sculpting the stone;
in forming the clay                   

Your creative Spirit is within us

In painting the canvas; in pressing the print;

in searching for new ways                 

Your creative Spirit is within us

In the landscaping of the garden; in the toiling of earth;

in the arrangement of flowers        

Your creative Spirit is within us

In making the bread we break and share   

Your creative Spirit is within us

In the making of music with instruments or voices    

Your creative Spirit is within us

In creating new worlds with written words;

in telling stories with pictures  

Your creative Spirit is within us

In joining the dance of the universe;

in moving our bodies to the beat of life  

Your creative Spirit is within us

In the spontaneous and subversive street art   

Your creative Spirit is within us

In the performing of a play; in the routine of a mime;

in the kindness of a gesture  

Your creative Spirit is within us

In the words of our liturgy and prayers 

Your creative Spirit is within us

In being human; in caring for one another and our planet  

Your creative Spirit is within us

We are creative beings made to the image and likeness of a creative God. 

Amen

wordl apology

Prayer at Bedtime

Many of the writings of Martin Luther (1483-1546), leader of the Protestant Reformation, have been passed down through the ages, including this bedtime prayer seeking God's protection: 

My Heavenly Father, 

I thank You, through Jesus Christ, Your beloved Son, 

that You have protected me, by Your grace. 

Forgive, I pray, all my sins and the evil I have done. 

Protect me, by Your grace, tonight. 

I put myself in your care, body and soul and all that I have. 

Let Your holy angels be with me, 

so that the evil enemy will not gain power over me. 

Amen.

Late Afternoon Prayer

"The soul is always praying. It constantly seeks to fly away to its Beloved." --Rav Kook


My afternoon prayer is particularly poignant - why is this so? Because the late afternoon is particularly suitable for spiritual growth, at the end of the working day. At this time of the day, we are able to put aside our mundane worries and concerns, and concentrate on our spiritual aspirations. Then the soul is free to elevate itself and blossom. This late afternoon I will plant myself for prayer - allowing the soul to flower with new strength; branching out naturally with inner emotions.

Dear God, 

Please make me

who You would have me be

That I might do 

as You would have me do. 

May I be a blessing on others 

That I might feel

Your blessing on me. 

Amen

An Afternoon Prayer

A Prayer for the Afternoon

At noonday, I shall run and return,
Remembering the Light Realm and the Human One of Light,
I shall restore my soul to the Place, and abide in the Sacred Heart;

O Adonai Messiah, I call upon your Blessed Name,
As I behold the strength of the sun at midday,
I pray that the Spiritual Sun might blaze forth from within me,
That I might walk as the Holy Apostles walk in this world,
Going forth as a Light-bearer, Healer and Peacemaker;

O Yeshua Messiah, bless and empower me in the Way, Truth and Light,
Banishing, binding and dispelling all shades and shadows,
Driving out darkness from the people and the land –

Let your Holy Shekinah rest upon me
I pray, let your Divine Light extend through me!

O Kallah Messiah, receive me into your embrace,
Come as Divine Light with healing in your wings,
Healing all illness and dis-ease among the people,
And bearing forth the grace of Divine Illumination;
Bless and empower me to be at rest while in motion!

O Holy Spirit, I open my mind, heart and life to you,
I pray that you move with, in and through me,
And that you come to be manifest as me,
So that with Adonai I shall say, “I Am.”

Hallelu Yah!

Amen and amen.

Morning Prayer

"Good morning Lord, it's great to be with You again today. I'm glad You are going to be with me today. Help me in all I do and say today, bring a smile to my lips for all I meet today, place on my tongue kind and gentle words for all I speak with today. And when the day's over bring me home safely."

Prayer for Justice

Prayer

Blessed

They Are

Their bitterness keeps their minds closed

Their anger keeps there hearts locked

Their disallusionment keeps them isolated

Longing to have a discussion

Longing to reach an agreement

Longing to establish relationship

How long, O Lord?

How long?