Life With CoVid-19 Take - 2

So, end of November 2019 it seems, a new unidentifiable flu strain comes out of the province of Wuhan, China. It very rapidly spreads and China, as near as any one can tell (it is China after all, how forthcoming are they really?) shuts down all travel into and out of Wuhan. Soon thereafter many other provinces in China are forced to follow suit. Many nations around the world begin a shut-down of all air travel from China. By January South Korea and Iran are hard hit with what is now identified as Corona Virus 2019. South Korea and Iran quickly follow a lockdown/quarantine procedure. There are many, many more in China who acquire the virus and deaths are becoming extremely numerous.

End of January, early February, Italy becomes the epicenter for the virus in Europe and the dead are so many that burials are banned. All residents must stay indoors. As of mid-April, Italy has 51 medical doctors dead. An aged population, lack of physicians, ventilators, and hospital beds are all too common in many countries as the virus is declared a global pandemic.

Here in Germany all non-essential businesses, schools, universities, and worship are closed (essential being gas stations, grocery, apothecary, and home repair like Toom). Restaurants may only offer delivery or pick up, until 1800 hrs. Emily, a HS senior at the DoDEA school Ramstein, has just found out all her choral concerts and drama productions have been cancelled, as have all sporting events.

March 12, 5 of us depart Luxembourg to Scotland. Thank goodness we flew from Lux because Great Britain has banned all flights from Germany. We hear, 2 hours into our journey, that DoD is restricting all travel from Germany for all DoD, active duty, civilian, and dependents. We stay in Scotland for our mad cap adventures, meeting 7 others flying in from all over the US.

We are all a bit anxious as we keep up with reports of continued deteriorating travel. By March 16, as we are flying back to Lux, we know that the German border is closed to all but citizens, those with worker visas, and DoD with SOFA stamps. We are paused at the border but continue home. We all “self-quarantine” for the recommended 14 day period. All 12 of us arrive safely back to our places of residence. After our quarantine period we are all 12 of us healthy.

Meanwhile, DoD schools are closed beginning that Monday, March 16 through the end of the school year. Thursday the parents become teachers as on-line distance learning is the “new normal”. Parents are highly frustrated, teachers are ill-equipped to “teach” via internet, zoom, or google classroom. All are struggling as teachers miss their students, kids miss their teachers and peers, and parents try to navigate fifth grade math. 10 days later I hear Virginia has followed suit as school moves to online learning. myRiley Roo is heart crushed. Her senior prom was to be that Friday. Her choir, drama, even walking for a graduation ceremony are all finished. 

CoVid-19 (officially now called SARS 2 Corona Virus-2019) has forced the entire world into a “new normal”. Terms like Social Distancing, Covidiots, Quarantine, and Self-Isolate are common language use now. The DoD has mandated that all persons entering the base must wear masks, not for our protection but for community protection, in case we are infected and don’t know we are. We cannot meet in groups of more than 2 and we must maintain 6 ft. separation. If that is unavoidable then we must wear a mask. Tedley works as a team of two, even days (the silver team) that they alternate on so no more than one is in the office on any given day. He teleworks the other days. We zoom our bible study on Tuesday mornings and livestream church. I haven’t been on base except for one time since returning from Scotland. I am not enjoying the “new normal”.

 

I am keeping busy with the Bible study, bible journaling the Lenten Scripture passages, a 25 Daily Drawing Challenge, and #DrawWithRob. I play XBox, and games on my phone. I am very bored. We did FaceTime the kids and play Clue on Saturday evening (afternoon).

 

There is some good from this. Pollution is way down in the countries where smog was the highest. The hole in the ozone is gradually getting smaller. Climates seem to be readjusting to prior green house effect years. People are cooking at home more, coming up with creative activities to do with their children, eating at the dinner table. Small gifts are being left at door stoops. In Italy, folks are singing together from their balconies. 

There is some bad as well. Hoarding of cleansers and disinfectant materials as well as toilet paper (of all things). Crime is rising as police departments are hit with the virus and deaths from the virus. Medical professionals are exhausted and stretched way too thin. Economies world wide are impacted as many have to draw unemployment. And cases continue to spread, deaths continue to increase, and there seems to be end in sight.

 

 

 

I am pretty sure the world will never be the same again.

The “new normal” will become the “norm”. 

Life will go on, but in a much different way.

Trish...

...

This may hurt, but know that I speak out of love ❤️  and to cause you to reflect 🧐.
These words come from a place of what I have experienced of you.

Have you ever completed something you began, or told me you began? Aside from OxyPlayers.
1) When I first moved here (to Germany), after Pastor Debbie first took over, she offered distance Bible Study so I could participate. You told me you wanted to participate because you could not attend physically due to work. But you did not complete that. 2) You told me God was calling you to Lay Speaking, or beyond, and yet have you completed any further Lay Speaking courses? 3) You had wanted to be a USDA Volunteer, early on, or even help Jack and George with the Car Care but you were never able to make it, even on Fridays or Saturdays that you were off or when you were unemployed. And now, 4) You seemed upset that I had invited Jack alone to participate in the drawing challenge. Honestly it was because I believed he alone would commit to the challenge. Robin has surprised me. 😲

I honestly did expect you to quit because that has been my experience of you. Say “yes” but not complete. And I know Jack didn’t draw every single day. I know he draws for 4 or 5 days at a time and then uploads them each day. That’s fine. I knew Jack would complete the challenge if he accepted it. And I knew you would not. Jack, unlike me, learns nothing from the act of drawing. Jack just loves the opportunity to draw. He is good and he enjoys it. But at least it causes him pause and reflect, “hm Day 20-Someone I Love ... well that’s easy, the grandkids”. “Day 15-A Silly Monster ... I’m going to draw Big Foot relaxing on a beach in the sun with a foofie umbrella drink”. He may have had no thought beyond that but to me it screamed Jack needs some down time to just relax, maybe down in Florida because he misses it. But you didn’t get that far. You got to Day 9-My Favourite Candy. That is telling as well. Easy to draw because you are busy. Individually wrapped for convenience, because you don’t manage your time well. Dark chocolate with a burst of mint that lingers in your mouth long after. After tastes are always interesting experiences. It is the after taste of you not getting beyond day 9 that has led me to write this very long, verbose ponderism.

And I know you never want to hear the words unreliable because you believe yourself to be totally dependable. “Monica, look at work! I busted my butt there!” “Geesh Monica, what about my commitment to Danny?” “I was there through thick and thin at all the drama rehearsals and performances!” “I alone am still there with and for Suanne.”

Ok, I hear you.

Working 14 hours a day/7 days a week is taxing, draining, plain exhausting. You had no time for anything else at all when you worked O’Reilley’s. Not even for yourself.
And we have discussed that Danny relationship ad nauseum, I won’t go there.
And Suanne? Honestly, you are right, I did quit the “support group mentality”. She seems always to be in a pitiful state, Penny and Michael, her Mom and Grandmother are always getting to her. The girls as well. And she never takes any advice to heart. She does nothing to improve her situation, her emotional state, her mental state. I determined she enjoys the drama and I could not stay in that relationship for my own mental and emotional health. I can set boundaries and draw lines. Good on you to be empathetic enough to sit in the deep pit of wallow with her. I tried but I kept looking up at the blue sky with white puffy clouds that looked like dolphins playing happily in the ocean or pups chasing butterflies. It wasn’t for me. The dark, dank pit of misery and despair may fit Suanne but not me. And that you remain in that pit beside her, well ... that is telling.

If, IF you complete this journal book thing you began, I will take all these words and swallow them. But honestly, I don’t believe I will have to.

Prove me wrong. Or not. Really you have nothing to prove to me, only to yourself and God.

BUT you need to commit to something, Trish. You cannot be grey, you cannot sit on the fence. You can’t be both a sheep 🐑  and a goat 🐐 . You have to develop a passion for something. Heck even Suanne has a passion for something - herself and drama - but you? It was O’Reilley’s I suppose, sad as that is. Regain that passion for God that you once had. Take those Lay Speaking Courses. Earn that License and then get that Certification. You were called, called.by.God! Remember? And when you ignore a God call, well, life gets immeasurably more difficult.

Again, commit to anything, follow through, complete ... something.

Go ahead. Prove me wrong.

You can’t.

Extroverted Introversion

This is the time of the Sars-Corona Virus-2 2019 (CoVid-19). I write this just as a document of what is going on in the world - yes the world. 🌎 You see this is a pandemic, a global pandemic. As of today there are now 208 countries affected by this virus which causes pneumonia that leads to death in those who are aged and immuno-compromised.

The illness began in Wuhan, China (or believed to, how transparent China has really been is yet to be determined) the end of November or beginning of December. It rapidly spread from there though China took almost immediate actions to restrict movement. South Korea and Iran were the next two countries that were hit hard but both had counter measures in place. Poor Italy, with an aged population and little in the way of medical equipment and staffing (or so it seems) has been overwhelmed. They have the most deaths per capita and have lost 51 doctors throughout the months of February and March. Germany has the fewest deaths per capita at this moment with the US just a few numbers above us. The US could have been sitting pretty if the democrats had stopped fighting President Trump every step of the way since early January.

So Germany closed every non-essential business, travel, schools, and events early March. The US has just, this last 14 days, followed suit. Some states have closed borders. New York seems to be the epicentre now though Washington state was in late February. My niece, Riley, has missed out on everything “senior” at HS from prom to her choir and drama, senior trip, spring break in New York, off-broadway at Chrysler Hall. And she won’t get to walk for graduation. It is simply heart crushing.

I am an extrovert. Extrovert forced into the life of an introvert. No church. No Bible Study (we get to zoom which is absolutely terrific!), RE (we got to hold a zoom class for the first time Palm Sunday), no ROSC activities, no Bazaar meetings, Tres Dias met via zoom as well (thank God for the internet). No Bunko, no interactions closer than 6 feet with persons who do not live in my household, it’s hard.

I repeat ...

It’s hard!!!

So, life will continue. We are living a “new norm”, those who aren’t “covidiots” that is.

There are bonuses - the earth is recovering. Greenhouse gases are falling, pollution has reduced dramatically in places where it was the worst, like China. Climate Change has taken a slight reversal and weather patterns are somewhat normalising. People are praying more, they are eating at the table and they are cooking as a family. Parents are spending time with children, forced to since all schools are closed. There is creativity abounding as parents come up with new and inventive ways to entertain and educate.

How long this will last is anybody’s guess. Chancellor Merkel has suggested the end of April but the Passion Play has been postponed til 2022! The Olympics, which were supposed to be in Japan in July, are postponed until 2021.

I do believe God’s hand is at work, taking what has been meant for harm and using it for good.

I am drawing every day, and bible journaling. I have joined an online paint party that meets twice a week. We played Clue via FaceTime with the kids. Life is slower. It’s good. I will get by.

I will survive.

Comparisons (as such)

I have been pondering, as of late, the relationship between the Shepherd and his/her flock of sheep. 

I know of this relationship quite well, through all of the Christian teachings I have had from childhood through adulthood. It is, of course, a metaphor of Jesus Christ the Shepherd and the persons who believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God being the sheep. Jesus, with his shepherd's crook, diligently watches over his flock. He counts his sheep morning, noon, and night. He knows when even one little sheep or lamb has wandered away or been led astray and He goes seeking the lost to bring it home. He keeps watch that evil wolves do not slip past him to injure even one of his sheep. He watches for thieves that may steal into the night and take His lambs. I imagine Jesus upon a hill that gives Him full view of the entire pasture and maybe even the pastures, hills, and wilds that are all around. In the valley are His sheep, munching peacefully on the grasses, nibbling gaily at the clover, romping and frolicking through the wildflowers. It is a very pleasant vision that I have in my head.

Now, if I take this metaphor from the "big" picture and localize it ... well, this is what I envision  ...

The minister is the shepherd and the congregation his flock. The minister keeps watch over his flock; he guides them to the clear, clean waters and to the sweet tasting grasses. When one of the sheep gets hurt, he goes to it, tends the wounds, takes it to be refreshed and revitalized. When one of the lambs/sheep wanders too far away, he goes after it. He keeps an eye out for things that would tempt his sheep, the wolf in sheep's clothing that could corrupt or destroy a little lamb or sheep. And just as I have imagined Jesus upon a hill for the full vantage point, I imagine the minister upon a hill ... how else can he see the goings on of all of his flock?

And now to focus specifically upon St. Mark's United Methodist Church, the flock, and Pastor Roy P. White, the shepherd ...

Pastor White seems to be a very nonchalant shepherd. It seems, from my point of view - a sheep in the valley - that our shepherd spends a great deal of time resting under the big oak tree, or looking behind him towards his home (which is really not very near to the pasture that IS St. Mark's). I believe that often times he is asleep, his eyes closed and his breathing even and steady. He is unaware of what his flock is doing, where they are going, who has wandered into its midst, if the water is crystal clear or has become muddied, the grass over-run with weeds. From my point of view, as a sheep of the flock, he seems not to care about the flock as a whole. He cares for a few of the sheep specifically, all of the lambs that he sees frequently but the majority of the flock are floundering and lost. 

There are small "pockets" of sheep gatherings ... 

... they gather by the muddied water and mumble to each other about the stream doesn't flow as it once did. The source is blocked by a myriad of negativism that seems to come from the hill the shepherd lies upon. The shepherd's lack of enthusiasm has caused stagnation. How do we clear these heavy, moss covered stones so that the water flows once again?

... they gather by the fence line, wishing that their grass looked as green and abundant as the grass on the other side of the fence. Some slip through the gaps in the fence and never return, others whisper their desires to go but then, looking back at their flock of friends and family, feel stuck. How can we get our brothers and sisters back from the tall, thick green grasses when our own grasses are filled with weeds and brambles that hurt? How can we enjoy the tall, thick green grasses when our hearts would ache so for those we left?

... they huddle in small groups trying their best to bolster each other, mend the hurting heart, heal the broken spirit, guide the disheartened who feel so lost. They look up at the shepherd who seems to have not even noticed the hurting, injured sheep and shake their heads. When will he begin to care for us? When will come into our midst and listen to our pains? When will he come bring us home?

I want to go to Pastor Roy and tell him that we need a REAL shepherd. We need him to take his shepherd's crook and lead us to fresh water and green grasses. We need him to go to the hurt, the injured, and gently lift them and carry them towards healing - if not physical healing then at least spiritual healing. We need him to keep a positive outlook on the direction his flock needs to go. It is his motivations, His enthusiasm, HIS joy for the work of the church that will infect into each and every one of us and give us enthusiasm, motivation, and joy.

I want to tell him that not visiting all of our church members who are hurt, injured, or lost is abandoning them. 

I want to tell him that we do not invite others to come to our pasture because there is nothing pleasant about our pasture ... the grass truly is greener on the other side. When we dread even entering our valley each day with a dismissive shepherd, why would we want to invite another? If there is no evangelism, then there are no new faces. Those who do wander into our pasture, we greet wholeheartedly. They stay for a few weeks, a month or two, but then they move on to the pastures with the greener grasses. 

We have no pastor led Bible Study, no spiritual growth...nothing, that is, that is led by our shepherd. We set up our own studies, small group, Bible Studies and desperately grasp at straws to draw the correct interpretation of scripture. We flounder.

We don't know each other any longer ... gone are the days of Sunday night suppers, Sunday afternoon picnics, ice cream socials ... the things that would unite the first and second service folks ... the things that made us a family.

We are demoralized. Struggling with lack of programs, lack of participation, lack of committees and leaders and ways to revitalize ourselves. We whisper in the hallways, call each other on the phone. We mumble to each other the things that we believe are failing, things that we wish we were doing, things that we would like to try, how we can succeed. But all of that is within dark shadows, small groups, couples. None are brave enough to bring these concerns into the light. None willing to say, HEY! We NEED DIRECTION!! GUIDE US!!!

I can do it ... I may yet do it. I hear from too many people who are disappointed that Pastor Roy is returning for yet another year. To many people who see the dying church on it's final breath and who fear that another year with Pastor Roy will be like taking a wounded horse to the back of the barn and shooting it. 

I too feel it. Going to one service is admitting that yes, we are a declining church that cares more about hunkering down and surviving for as long as we can rather than revitalizing no matter the cost. And what is that cost? What does revitalization look like? What changes must we each make, individually, to ensure not only the survival of St. Mark's but the thriving of St. Mark's.

I know what surviving is - it is merely going through the motions of living but not engaging in life, it is putting on the pretty colors, painting on the smile, and pretending that everything is alright. Thriving is experiencing new things, trying to be something different, remaking yourself, shaping who you are into something that you like; thriving is living life, not cowering from it ... engaging life, not dismissing it ... enjoying life, without pretense. Thriving is being proactive, not reactive.

A good shepherd is proactive ... our shepherd is reactive and I guess he has been since the day he stepped foot into our fold. 

Someone needs to tell him. I guess that someone will be me...       

Election Day 2012

So I am standing in line at the polls, a ridiculously long line btw, with myShelby when Destiny walks up to us. She has come with her grandparents and cousin to the precinct. She stated that her government class held a mock election and of course Obama won. She thought it crazy that the class, 97% black, would hold mock elections because she, of course, knew the outcome would be Obama overwhelmingly. "We are a majority black school after all", was her statement. I thought that sad quite honestly. Was she saying that she and other black children at Hampton High School were voting for Obama simply because he was black? Or was she implying that the black population is overwhelmingly Democratic?

I would like to believe that the government class focused on the issues, highlighted the campaign proposals and promises of each candidate, discussed the pros and cons of the "ifs" ("if" Obama is re-elected ... or "if" Romney wins the presidency ...), and then made informed election votes. And maybe they did, she didn't go into any further detail and I, surrounded by a population of 94% black in line at the precinct, was not brave enough to question this mock election and point out such basic points of the election process as informed decision. I simply assumed that there is a "the government needs to care for me" mentality that the black population has that leads them to vote democratic. I pray that I am wrong.

I should have prayed for discernment from God prior to taking pen to ballot, but I didn't. My thoughts turned to the many United Methodist Women Priorities, how each party would or wouldn't support those 11 priorities. I believe my bent is shifting to a more liberal stance, but not so far liberal as to believe that the rich must pay for benefits the poor receive. We should eliminate poverty, I agree, but not by making the rich exclusively pay. There are no easy answers. The wealthy subscribe to many altruistic deeds and support many charities. The wealthy tithe to their churches. The wealthy do give, and some give until it hurts. But that hasn't eliminated poverty. Poverty can only be eliminated systematically. The government itself needs to stop applying bandages, needs to stop simply giving just to give, just because it can. Charity solves nothing. Justice fixes the problem. The government needs to get to the root issues of the problem and seek a cure to the cause, fix the brokenness.

Ok, off my soap box. Sorry.

Just an update

I'm not going to continue with the Slice Of Life posts on this blog any longer - it is a redundancy that I just don't have time for. If you want to read the Slice Of Life: A Daily Story then please visit this link.

Thanks for understanding.

Wow!

It has been such an incredibly long time since I posted anything on my blog ... I didn't realize that until I posted a video on here this morning. I'm so sorry. Things have been a bit chaotic around here, well not really chaotic but definitely busy. PPR, SOCM, VBS, and now the 50th Anniversary of St. Mark's UMC. Not to mention visits to Dr. Tiller as well as mammograms, a biopsy, and bone density. The biopsy was fine btw, no cancer cells found in the fluid.

A dear friend however isn't so lucky. Her breast cancer has returned, with a vengence; she's have a mastectomy the end of the month. :'(

I'll try to be more faithful again.

Thanks for your patience.

Trying a new experience

I honestly don't know how many people read my blog - just a few I suppose. That's alright, there are some pretty personal things on here that I don't know if I want a great many people to know. Does that make sense? Well, while I was on Amazon.com I noticed a little buzz about Blogger now being linked to Amazon.com for the purposes of making money (I think but not positive about that). Heck, I thought, what can it hurt?

Of course I signed right up. Here is the link, I think, I hope: e-Reader Feeder

The first thing that Amazon Associates suggested that I do is write a blog to see for myself ... so I am. I'm not sure what it is supposed to accomplish but - here it is.
The second thing was to add a widget, which I did (that was incredibly easy) - I added the Amazon Search Products box so now all of my readers (all five of you!) can search amazon.com for great products. I have to tell you honestly though that I'm torn between amazon.com and bn.com. I just love to read so much that I shop for them (books) where ever I happen to be able to. And in all honesty I have discounts cards at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and Borders. And it goes without saying that I have an Audible.com account as well. See, book fanatic!

I can't say to Amazon.com that this will be an exclusive "shop amazon.com" site because there are books I can find at bn.com that I can't find on amazon.com and vice-versa.

What does this mean for my blog? Well, pretty much nothing really will change with the exception that I feel I owe it to Amazon Associates now to review the books that I read to get others (all 5 of you!) to head on over to amazon.com to purchase the said just reviewed book.

*of course the current book that I'm reading, Silent Covenants: Brown V. Board of Education by Derrick Bell,  is a book off the UMW Reading List and it is soooo dry, it reminds me of a legal document or legislative draft. It's not a really thick book but it counts as two books read for Social Justice; that alone should tell you how dry it is!* 

So, let me publish this post and see what happens!

self-disgusted!

i sooo need to see dr. t this week (maybe right this moment). i can't seem to stop the tears from brimming in my eyes, the scolding thoughts that shout in my head, the disgust and hate that fills my heart and causes me to want to crawl back into bed and escape from the reality of life.

Worrying Life

Worry is an integral part of my life, of my thoughts, of me - 
- worry defines who I am more often than not ... just ask my brother-in-law Jack 
who constantly reminds me to "not sweat the small stuff; oh, and EVERYTHING is small stuff!"


Yes Jack, I do know that however (comma) I just can't keep my mind from worrying about the small stuff. I believe it is what makes me really good at what I do at and for True North - 
- I'm what I call (myself any way) a "detail oriented" person and paying attention to detail (being anal-retentive) has been beneficial to True North if not for me personally in my own life.


Right now I worry about my son who is in college but has no direction; wait ... who is actually home from college and tripping the life fantastic with no cares in the world (or at least no seeming cares in the world, maybe he has them but doesn't share with me!). I do NOT want to rob him of his youth and thrust him headlong and ill-prepared into his adult life too quickly and yet he needs to begin to learn what it takes to manage his life and his own affairs as well as his own finances. However, my own parents paid my way into college my first year until I declared myself an adult (forbidding them from claiming me on their income tax returns) and got a grant and proceeded to flunk right out of college. You see? I do NOT want to see that happen to myPie. 


Discovering my purpose in life has eluded me ... I often feel like a failure for my lack of accomplishments and inability to contribute financially to my family. My only successes in my life have been my two wonderfully brilliant children and my husband of nearly 28 years. Now I'm not smirking these successes at all, don't get me wrong - life has been wonderful for me since I met and married Ted, had my two children, and watched them grow. I have struggled with how much freedom to give them, how to discipline them, how to love them ... teaching responsibility isn't easy and I have yet to bestow my altruistic characteristics upon either of them; I question myself at times, "where did go wrong?" or "how have I failed them?"


myPie is at that difficult cusp of life - entering adulthood. I remember that phase of life all too well (many of my friends might say I've never have entered that stage of life). It's hard passing from youth into adulthood with all of its responsibilities and all of the boring "adult" things that are now expected - 1) get an education, 2) get a job, 3) become a productive member of society, 4) marry and  5) have 2.3 children with a house, a white picket fence and a dog. And while I have accomplished most of that (I've never gotten a job or become a productive member of society) I still sit around my house playing Dragon Age for 6 hours at a time pausing briefly to get myShelby from school yet neglecting the household chores of dusting, sweeping, and laundry and barely preparing a somewhat quasi-nutritional meal for my family. 


My own gender roles and stereotypes run deep - I'm fortunate that I'm a girl in some respects ... I'm not expected to work and "bring home the bacon" to take care of my family, that is myTed's responsibility. And now I watch as myPie matures and I realize that soon that is going to be his responsibility but I worry because he has no clear direction for his life, no goals, no idea what he wants to do for the rest of his life. And I don't want to push him into that adult life of drudgery and long hours of working at a dead-end job for the next forty years of his life. I want him to be happy. I want him to do something that he enjoys doing. I want him to be able to have fun in life and still provide for his future family - for Caroline and his 2.3 children and his puppy dog in a house with a white picket fence in the burbs of New York City.


With tears in my eyes I sit and write this ... myPie still in bed upstairs, exhausted from his long late night and I know that I'm going to have to nag him about "being responsible" and getting a job. My heart is heavy. I have to push him from the nest and force him to fly on his own - but oh my Lord, how it hurts my heart!


Dear God, please give guidance to my son and comfort to myself. 

FiOS seems to suck!

Stupid FiOS - phone has been down for 3 days!

UPDATE: Called Verizon this morning - the technician said that the line shows a busy signal at the box which is unusual unless there is a phone connected directly into the box (there isn't). Someone will be over tomorrow between the hours of 1-5pm to check it out.

Unknown

i hate the unknown, totally completely absolutely HATE it!

myPie told me last night that his "check-out" time is 9:40 am. total shock. i asked him why and he replied with i chose that time. couldn't figure out WHY he would choose THAT time but.

i awoke bright and early and tried to text him - nothing.
i showered and dressed and tried to call him - nothing.
i went down to breakfast and tried to call him - nothing.
wrote checks to pay bills and tried to call him - nothing.
checked into face book and tried to call him - nothing.

his phone is off.

it's now 9:54 am ... 14 minutes PAST the time he was supposed to have his "check-out:" and i have absolutely NO idea what is happening over there!

Buddha

i was visited by Buddha tonight -

- well, not really ...
... but i was in the bathroom, naked except for my socks (sorry folks) when i sat on the toilet to remove them (the socks I mean) and glancing up was totally surprised to see Buddha sitting before me.

of course it was a mirror and the HUGE round bellied figure staring back at me was my own reflection. ack!

what a shock!!

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day, a day that I said I didn't care about because ...
well, MY mother is dead and gone! However,
I have thought a lot about her the past couple of days -
I did submit a picture of myself and my mom together to Adam - 
I wished I had purchased a carnation for her through the youth -
I do miss her.

total monster

i totally unloaded on my bff today - 


i have had serious anger issues lately!


i'm sorry.

Spring Fling

The rummage sale today is over. Exhausting day. Glad to be home.

It isn't exactly a Spring Fling because we have no huge event ... no blow-up bouncies for the kids, no crafts, no art, no music. Just the rummage from 300 church members and friends along with the BBQ and Bake Sale.

And PARTS of it ARE outreach - Evelyn Minniear packs up stuff to send to West Virginia to a center that provides clothes and toys for kids.

So HAH!

Not Worthy

I am soooo tired of always being wrong.
I am soooo tired of hearing about all the ways we are failing.
I am soooo tired of not measuring up.

I am soooo tired of hearing about how ashamed Jesus would be of us.

Alright, I get it - we aren't an outward thinking church. Quit condemning and start doing!

Yeah, we may be the church known for our tomb and our rummage sale but HEY! at least we ARE KNOWN!!!

Why not, instead of talking around and behind ..., why don't you, instead of griping and complaining ...

YOU go to The Lamb House because "somebody has to do the work of the church".
YOU go to The Breakthrough Center because "somebody has to want to help others".
YOU! YOU!! YOU!!!

How about EMPOWERING US!?! How about LEADING US!?! How about INVITING US!?!

If you would have invited me, I would have gone to The Lamb House with you. I'm curious enough to see what is so appealing. If you would have led, I would have followed. If you empower me with the tools, I can accomplish great things.

The church is just a building ... that's it, nothing more. The PEOPLE are the "little Christians". The PEOPLE are the hands and feet of Christ. The church is just a place to worship God, just a place to share common beliefs and affirmations. The church is just a place to refuel, recharge, and re-learn.

STOP criticizing IT!!
STOP making me feel like $%#@ for being a member of the church.
STOP! STOP!! STOP!!!

"You seem rather sullen today."
"Nope, I'm not."
"You're not?"
"No, I'm Not!"
At least I wasn't until you walked over and began complaining about the rummage sale about charging for the items, about using the money inward; the place that Jesus would walk into and upturn tables, the activity that "maybe Jesus SHOULD come to and over turn every single table".

Go away.

Just GO AWAY!!!

Chinese Brush Painting (with markers)

I am trying my hand at Chinese Brush Painting. I love the way the strokes look and the multi-dimensional colouration within each stroke. However, the strokes are NOT easy to accomplish. I have a set of markers that have tips that are similar to a paintbrush so I have been practicing in my moleskin with markers. Here is some of the practice techniques.

  

Love Remains

"Lord I believe, help my unbelief".  Jeff set out to offer proof of the resurrection of Jesus Christ, which I mentioned here a couple of posts earlier; I have never doubted that Christ suffered, died and resurrected. Never. And yet I lack faith - I seek proof, I ask exhaustive questions and I trifle the pointless things. 


There is a quote from Angels and Demons that I believe epitomizes ... well, me. It is where Robert Langdon is speaking with the Carmerlengo.
Camerlengo Patrick McKenna: . Do you believe in God, sir? 
Robert Langdon: Father, I simply believe that religion...
Camerlengo Patrick McKenna: I did not ask if you believe what man says about God. I asked if you believe in God.
Robert Langdon: I'm an academic. My mind tells me I will never understand God.
Camerlengo Patrick McKenna: And your heart?
Robert Langdon: Tells me I'm not meant to. Faith is a gift that I have yet to receive
Tonight I heard the voice of Christ while at True North and beyond that, on the drive home in a song on KLove.



Paul Colman - The One Thing
From the album Let It Go


Here I am
In a river of questions
Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear?
I see this life
It’s valley’s and mountains
And I think of all the roads that brought me here
Oh that brought me here

I’ve questioned my reasons
The life I’m living
I’ve questioned my ability t
To judge wrong from right
I’ve questioned all the things
that I’ve ever called certain
My race, my religion, my country, my mind

Chorus:
But the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
Yea the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
Hold me Hold me
So Hold me

Well I’ve questioned my significance
Meaning and relevance
Does the work I’m doing really matter at all?
Well I’ve questioned my friendships
Alliance, dependence
Who will still be here when I fall?

Chorus: (2x’s)

Only one thing doesn’t change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is your love remains

Chorus: (2x’s)


While I am not an academic I am forever on a quest, a student of philosophy and theology.  "Lord I believe, help my unbelief" was my daily mantra. 


This evening I have received the gift of faith.

I'm Fine