Woman at the Well

more about "Woman at the Well", posted with vodpod

The Prodigal

I've spent four hours deep in image searches for a PowerPoint slide show for True North. The Prodigal. This is, of course, put me in deep thought.

Tonight I return to the question ‘How can I trust God?’

I can not make myself feel loved. I can not forgive myself. I can not welcome myself in. I can not invite myself to the feast. I can not even bring myself home.

Being the beloved of the Heavenly Father is a gift. I can desire it, hope for it, wait for it and pray for it. But I can not create it. It must be given to me.

I am lost. I must be found and brought home by the shepherd that goes out to me.

When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. (Luke 15 : 20)

Program

Stephen Ministry program tonight at the UMM meeting. Jeff first spoke on St. Stephen and then we transitioned into the ministry. I had a powerpoint show ready and Crystal had a few things on a piece of paper. She also closed with "The After People".

Then, though, as soon as the program was over I had to rush over to the Adult Fellowship Class for the UMW District Board meeting. I didn't get away from the church until 10:10! Dee is right, I need to just set up a bed in the church somewhere...tomorrow I have to be there at 6:00 for True North rehearsal and then Chancel Choir rehearsal and Friday for Stephen Minister training.

Ah, such is the life!

All Day

All day ... all day ...

all day long at the church setting up for True North. What fun, what excitement. What a challenge. And what sorrow...

First the challenge. Moving the "junk" left over from the Rummage Sale out to the curb for the "claw" to pick up. Moving all those silly clothing racks into the church building. We left them at the bottom of the stairs - didn't care, I wasn't going to take them upstairs and was told I didn't have to!! Moving the stage pieces - which was both a challenge and fun. Challenging because they are soooo frickin' heavy! Fun because we got to sit and dialogue as we moved piece by piece, we got to examine what would work, which piece to place where, how to run the wires and the cords, the placement of the amps, the musicians, the mics. What a thrill. I thought "hmm...is this what it's like to set up staging for big name bands? for a Broadway show? for the Virginia Symphony?" If I wasn't such a woosie wimp I think that it'd be totally awesome to be a roadie!!

The fun flowed from the stage set-up to the room layout and John joined us (oh, me and Jack which I didn't mention before now). He is such a character, John is I mean. We had so much fun laughing and clowning around as we moved tables and speakers and tried to determine where John will be standing when he presents his message.

And finally ... the sorrow. Crystal is stressed - I know she is though she won't share it with me. I know that she's worried beyond belief, though she won't share that with me either. She's becoming more and more irritable and snappy and unfortunately Jack bears the brunt of all that stress and anxiety. I got him in trouble this morning (like I did yesterday and Monday - well pretty much every day this week!). I didn't mean too. I just simply called Crystal this morning (we talk every morning) and I guess through some comments I made she ended up unloading on Jack. She went downstairs asking him for some items but didn't give him the back ground story and so he didn't leap to where she was and was pretty clueless. I guess she got quite mad at him. I felt so bad. He shook it off but boy did he ever come squealing into the parking lot!

I wish that there was something that I could do for Crystal, that there was some way I could ease her fears and calm her stress and anxiety. I know that there isn't. The money has run out, there is nothing that anybody can do right now. It seems - feels - pretty useless to pray about the situation, their life circumstances. Heck I've been doing that and while they still have the house, this month is it. I don't know where to turn or what to do any longer. She's becoming desperate I think - or maybe I fear. Talk of driving her car into the water is rather frightening. I'm sure that she's depressed but I don't know how to pull her out of her funk ... I can't pull her out of her funk because the funk has legitimate causes. No job, no income, no money, no house. How do I help in that situation? I don't. I can't. I accept that sometimes God really does have too much on his plate and can't get to everybody quick enough to save them all. I accept that Crystal is not salvageable by God right now. I accept that they will lose the house and have to move into an apartment somewhere. Actually, though, is that so bad? No yard work, smaller square footage so easier to keep clean, no maintenance issues (because apartment units have maintainers). Hmm...if I didn't have a kid at home any longer I would probably consider moving into an apartment or town home. Maybe it's not as dark as I see it. Maybe there is a silver-lining out there.

Maybe I just need to shut-up now.

Long Day

Long week.

The rummage sale sponsored by the UMW. I always ALWAYS hate the fall rummage sale. I hate setting up the room. I hate sorting through the rummage. I hate figuring out the prices. I hate getting ready the morning of. I LOVE the people. I love seeing the crowds come through the door. I love haggling. I love giving something for practically nothing. Sometimes I give something for absolutely nothing. I LOVE the day. Until ...

... until the take down. I don't hate the take down as much as the set up though. The take down takes an hour and a half, two hours tops. The set up takes all freakin' week long for many hours every day. It's nerve wracking and time consuming and taxing. The take down is just throwing stuff into boxes and bags to await the arrival of the charity organization that will be the receiver of the remaining stuff.

I wasn't sure we were doing as well as previous years, for a couple of reasons: 1) we held the sale MUCH earlier in the season than usual - BEFORE Labor Day. We discussed this decision a lot and determined that we'd all be in town, the people that are attracted to our rummage sale will not be leaving this weekend, and those same people just got paid earlier this week. That sounds almost cruel, like we're taking advantage of the people but truly we are providing a ministry to this population of people; 2) I didn't price everything and I sold things ridiculously cheap - even half off the marked prices that WAS listed on items; 3) we didn't get a lot of large/big ticket items. After counting the monies I found that we actually did very well. Maybe selling many items for practically nothing is better than a few items for a large price.

The let down when I got home. Exhaustion. But a good exhaustion none the less. I'm always glad that we do this each year; I just like to complain!

In The Midst

In the midst of birth comes death. I have been so excited about the start-up of True North that I have been almost giddy with enthusiasm and have carried a contageousness that illicits hope of a bright future for our little service that begins in a mere two weeks.

Then amidst the exuberance of birth I found myself facing death...here.

The church is a small(ish) Lutheran church. Immediately I thought of John who, with his struggling denomination, has died bit by bit in the past few years due to conflict and unresolved feelings, resentments and frustrations; the denomination, struggling with its own traditionally conservative identity, turns to look into a mirror and face a modern liberal change that she isn't prepared to deal with.

And here, on Steve Fuller's Church Experiment blog, I find a sadness that surrounds and engulfs people on a deeply personal level; the death of their home church. Here is reprinted a portion of Steve's personal discovery:

In week thirteen I wrote about "spiritual family." When a church closes its doors after 160 years, it's not just about finding a new church; it's like losing your family. I still have dreams of the house I grew up in. I still long to be back in those good old days of my youth. Just a couple nights ago, I wished my parents still owned my childhood home, because visiting them would be like stepping back into a simpler time of my life.

He continues with:

More than ever before, I finally realize the value of having a church home. No home is ever perfect, but it's the place we grow and mature. It's the place we learn to take our first steps. And it's the place we can always retreat to when life crashes down all around us. I can't imagine having my "home" taken away after 160 years.

And I'll conclude the quotes with this:

Concordia Lutheran had a big impact on the city of Cincinnati. But let's always remember that churches accomplish nothing. Only people can change a city. Church buildings just sit and look pretty. So let's all pray the people of Concordia Lutheran keep pursuing God and keep loving others.

Birthing our church has been difficult - we have so many plans and hopes and dreams. We hope to become a home for the lost and lonely, the seeking and the desperate. We dream of having an impact on the population of Hampton through mission and opportunity, touching lives that are marginal and improving conditions of the forgotten and left behind. And yet ...

... and yet ...

... here lies a church who 160 years ago had the same such plans; dreamed the same dreams; hoped for the same outcome. 160 years this church impacted thousands of lives in Cincinnati. Their pastor encouraged the congregatin with this:

"The Church of Jesus Christ never goes backwards."

"We have a new beginning. You have a new beginning."

"It's not the building you have to maintain or the grass you have to mow, it's the people that have a new beginning."

Here I sit, respectful of the memories shared, the laughter and the tears and I'm embarrassed ... embarrassed to say this:

What's going to happen to us in the next 160 years?

Weather(ing)

The weather has been so lovely - cool with clouds rolling in throughout the afternoon. It's so much like autumn already! I can't wait for the leaves to begin changing color.

I always feel good in the summer - fun and lively and giddy but there is something about the cooler mornings and evenings, the breezes that cause the leaves to loose their grip upon the branches. I love the gusts that lift the leaves and send them flying and skittering. I don't do as well emotionally in Autumn but I love it just the same.

Ah me ... a glutton for punishment!