forgive me, Lord

i cried endlessly last night,
my heart was heavy,
my mind raced,
my head heated ...
i am bitterly angry.

i leave the comfort of my bed,
after tossing for an hour,
after kicking my husband twice,
after elbowing his side once ...
i cannot sleep in that bed -

- not with her in the next room,
in my son's room,
invading my space,
my peace,
my grief ...
claiming my family!

and yes, i did listen to her story;
stressed from a 60 hour work week,
little pay that barely pays the bills,
and no ability to further herself in life ...
and i am unsympathetic.

she is jealous of so many others;
young adults who live with their parents,
my own son and daughter
who have help for living expenses
and school ...
a care - free - life.

she is jealous of her sister;
her "sugar daddy",
who has a wife who
"turns a blind eye",
her sister;
who is cared for,
and provided for
for her every need ...
and my neck hairs rankle.

and i want to throw her out
right then and right there.

and forgive me, Lord
but i do not care.
and forgive me, Lord
for my lack of compassion.
and forgive me, Lord
that i wish her to just disappear.

forgive my anger, Lord.
be disappointed in me, Lord,
for honestly ...
i will not change -
- MY husband
will NOT be
her "sugar daddy".

and i will NOT
turn a "blind eye".

forgive me, Lord,
for i hate ...

Servant Leadership

Are You A Servant Leader?

Place a check in the box of each of the following questions that you would answer with a “yes.” 
If you can check more than seven of these, you may be well on your way to becoming a servant leader.

• �  Do people believe that you are willing to sacrifice your own self-interest for the good of the group?
  
• �  Do people believe that you want to hear their ideas and will value them?
• � Do people believe that you will understand what is happening in their lives and how it affects them? 
• � Do people come to you when the chips are down or when something traumatic has happened in their lives?
• � Do others believe that you have a strong awareness for what is going on?
• � Do others follow your requests because they want to as opposed to because they “have to?”
• � Do others communicate their ideas and vision for the organization when you are around?
• � Do others have confidence in your ability to anticipate the future and its consequences?
• � Do others believe you are preparing the organization to make a positive difference in the world?
• � Do people believe that you are committed to helping them develop and grow?
• � Do people feel a strong sense of community in the organization that you lead? 

Servant leaders have a natural desire to serve others. This notion of having a calling to serve is deeply rooted and value-based. Servant leaders have a desire to make a difference for other people and will pursue opportunities to impact others’ lives — never for their own gain. A servant leader is willing to sacrifice self-interests for the sake of others. 

Servant leaders are excellent listeners. They are receptive and genuinely interested in the views and input of others.

 Servant leaders can “walk in others’ shoes.” They understand and empathize with others’ circumstances and problems.

Servant leaders are people who others want to approach when something traumatic has happened. They have developed a remarkable appreciation for the emotional health and spirit of others. They are good at facilitating the healing process and others gravitate toward them when emotional needs arise.

Servant leaders have a keen sense for what is happening around them. They are always looking for cues from the environment to inform their opinions and decisions.

Servant leaders seek to convince others to do things rather than relying on formal authority. They are naturally very persuasive and offer compelling reasons when they make requests.

Servant leaders nurture the ability to conceptualize the world, events and possibilities.

Servant leaders have an uncanny ability to anticipate future events. This is not to say they are psychic or always right, but they are adept at picking up patterns in the environment and seeing what the future will bring.

Servant leaders often are characterized by a strong sense of stewardship. A steward in an organization is responsible for preparing it for its destiny, usually for the betterment of society.

Servant leaders have a strong commitment to the growth of people. They believe that all people have something to offer beyond their tangible contributions.

Servant leaders have a strong sense of community spirit and work hard to foster it in an organization. They believe that an organization needs to function as a community.

... heavy sigh ...

I have realized the injustice that was done through the SPRC committee in regards to the way we all handled (or failed to handle) the Adam Flores situation that arose at this time nearly three Easters ago. It's hard to believe it this will be the  third Easter  - the hurt is still so raw to me personally. The mention of the name Adam Flores still causes my heart pain and my stomach to flinch. I still see red after all this time. And what is worse is the part that the SPRC committee played, inadvertently played but played all just the same.

What SHOULD have happened was that Adam Flores should have been fired for indecent proposals/propositions to a lay member directly under his supervision. What SHOULD have happened was that charges on behalf of the lay member should have filed. What SHOULD have happened was to not let the attorney on the behalf of the church settle the case. THAT action let Adam Flores off WAY too easily. Adam Flores should have been prosecuted under the law and his records should ever more show that he IS a SEXUAL PREDATOR!

But alas.

Shame on us...all of us.

And now, three years later, there are members of our congregation that are "pining" for the "good ole days" of Adam Flores. There is one in particular, one who SHOULD even KNOW better, who is stating clearly to Pastor Roy that she longs for the return of Adam Flores. SERIOUSLY?! Trish, do I slap you around NOW? YOU of all people should know the damage he has done to not just one woman but a couple of women; ONE who lives  with you RIGHT NOW - who is so messed up that she is in the depths and bowels of depression, eating herself into obesity, and wallowing in self-loathing and self-pity. WHY?! Why, Trish, would you go to Pastor Roy and pine for Adam Flores?! For a SEXUAL PREDATOR!?!!!!???!!!

And me, me who was on the SPRC at that time, can say NOTHING to her. NOTHING! Remember how this blog started so many years ago - censured? Well, now I am censured again. Some stupid legal bullarky that states that we, as SPRC, cannot talk about the release of Adam Flores. Is SPRC a hat that I can NEVER take off? Is this something that I will NEVER be able to vent about, EVER?! Will I be prohibited from telling Trish what a goomba she is being for ever and ever amen, even when I'm not ON the SPRC?!??

This iS LUDICROUS!!!!

I did do a very VERY bad thing. I did go to someone who works for the Hampton City School Division and tell her, "if you EVER see the name Adam Flores come across your desk, do NOT hire him. Adam Flores is a SEXUAL PREDATOR and young girls do NOT need to be exposed to this man!" Was I wrong? I don't know. My heart tells me that what I did was right. That THAT man would even consider working as a teacher is just beyond my scope of understanding. He has been let go at three United Methodist Church's now ... his records SHOULD have a black balled mark, a huge stamp across his face, a horrible disfiguring check mark that forever travels with him in whatever career pursuits he endeavours upon.

But no ...

sadly, no ...

So I vent here...it doesn't help. I am still seeing red, seething inside, desiring revenge that includes not only emasculating the man but also turning him into an eunuch.

heavy sigh ...

... heavy sigh ...

Lenten Carbon Fast

Day 42: What you can do today What if - in advance of Hurricane Sandy - the churches along the east coast of the United States had embraced their calling as harbingers of hope in a climate crisis world?  What if they had recognized the critical role they are called to play as promoters of resilience?  Once again, Peter Sawtell's reflection, which draws from The Atlantic Magazine, David Roberts from Grist and the World Bank offers guidance for the church:  http://www.eco-justice.org/E-121102.asp

Lenten Carbon Fast

Day 41: What you can do today Reflect on the fact that the richest 20% of the world's population consumes 80% of the world's resources, and those who contribute least to the causes suffer most from the effects of climate change.  Pray for people living in poverty and affected by climate change.  Visit Peter Sawtell's eco-justice ministry website and review his March 2013 newsletters on Worship http://www.eco-justice.org/E-list.asp.  Consider how your worship can incorporate some of these suggestions, and how you can tell your community what you're up to.

Lenten Carbon Fast

Day 40: What you can do today Take a shower instead of a bath, and try to limit your shower to less than 5 minutes.  If you already shower, consider taking a "shipboard shower" - turn the water on only to rinse.  Look into getting a more efficient shower with a "low-flow" showerhead.  An average bath uses 40-60 gallons of water; an average shower 17 gallons; a shipboard shower less than 5 gallons.

Lenten Carbon Fast

Day 39: What you can do today Celebrate Earth Hour TODAY with millions of people around the globe by turning off your lights for one hour, beginning at 8:30 pm.   For more information, seewww.earthhour.org/. Take it one step further by organizing or attending an Earth Hour event in your community through www.meetup.com/earth-hour-global.  For extra credit, get your city or town involved by joining the World Wildlife Fund's Earth Hour City Challenge.  Learn how at www.worldwildlife.org/focusearthhour.   More than 7,000 cities and towns in 152 countries and territories switched off their lights for Earth Hour 2012, sending a powerful message for action to save the planet. This year, more than 200,000 individuals accepting I Will If You Will challenges on YouTube to turn their symbolic action for the planet into an ongoing commitment to a sustainable future.