It's Not Supposed To Be ...

... Me!

I am not the one who is supposed to be doing this.

I am not the one who went to seminary.

I am not a minister.

Why would he announce that he will still be our pastor and yet shirk ALL of his worship responsibilities? Why did I feel obligated to step in and come up with the services? 

I can't do this!! It is too hard!! It is beyond my capabilities!!

I am tired...

And I am spent...

There is nothing left within me...

I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers, and cry.

The Moon Has Eyes

The moon has eyes and He's watching you 

Use caution, 
Watch what you do
You cant get away, 
Everywhere you go 
You’ll be seen
Even if your keen,
You can run 
But you can't hide 
From the moon that has eyes.

Be as quiet as you can 

You can't lie 
To the moon that sees everything,
Those eyes might go away 
For as night turns to day
But, you know He knows
What you're doing.

All day and night 
When you lie 
They cry 
Those bloody tears, 
But fear what you do not know 
For the moon has eyes that cries bloody tears,
That watch every move you make 
Every step you take 
The moon is watching you.

As you sleep,
If you do
The moon knows what you dream 
He sees inside your head 
As He sees everything, 
Through out the world 
He is the lord of night and sight 
As day turns to light,
The moon is dark and dangerous 
But beautiful and exciting.
The Moon That Has Eyes And Cries Bloody Tears Is Watching You.

So here ... so Her

So tonight I made a BIG mistake. I was asked if we know who our new minister is. I said yes, because in truth we do, and just like every other time I have been asked I said "but we can't say who it is until telling Sunday on May 18th". Lesley continued with "I hope he's young with a family." Here was my mistake - "she has a dogter." The 'she' killed me. 

Lesley said "well that is going to decimate the church!" "Why, because she doesn't have children?" I'm way too naive. "No," she rolled on. "Foxhill lost half it's membership when we got a woman minister. Half!"

I thought about what she said. I think that any minister that followed Mike Nobles, who had ministered First, Foxhill for seventeen years (I've been told), would have been crucified. It is the same at St. Mark's. I mean really did Roy ever even stand a chance following Jeff? We could have had Jesus Christ follow Jeff and half the congregation would have left. Seriously. 

Will we, at St. Mark's, be accepting of a woman minister? I had truly thought so until I heard Lesley's remark. Now I am not so sure. 

Reverend Hall is coming to us because Joe perceived conflict within our church and she is a pro at conflict resolution. I wish I could have told him that we have no conflict except with our current minister ... but ... well, our feelings for Roy were crystal clear to Joe and he determined that we are conflictual  and need some resolving. 

So I pray for Reverend Hall, that our ministerial conflicts began with and end with Roy and that there is no lingering side-effects. I pray that our congregation be open-minded. I pray that we warmly greet and accept Reverend Hall for who she is and not resent her for who she is not. Jeff is gone and he will not be sent back into our fold. May we embrace Reverend Hall and acknowledge that sometimes change is indeed good.

Ministry to the ... Whom?

It has been a VERY long time since my last blog post ... this, in fact, is the first of 2014 and we are now fully three months into the new year!

As you all know, I tend to fly off the handle over the littlest of things. At least now I find that I can write the rave out in an email and never send it, but I do feel better after the vent. This then, is yet, another of those "unsent" emails. 

This is addressed to Pastor Roy:

When Rev. Carson met with the SPRC in February, he asked us a question about the community around our church. I had heard, at one time, Pastor Jeff say that the community around St. Mark's is largely single mothers. I don't know how accurate that is. I mostly see elderly right behind the church. White. Middle class. Cherry Acres has more Blacks. Younger, maybe. Even there though I don't see as many children as I once did. Rev. Carson asked if we were ministering to the people God is bringing to us or are we too focused on youth. I do get that the young is the future of anything, including churches. I also believe that the Methodist church no longer practices the Wesley methodology...we do not go to prisons, we do not go to the hospitals, we no longer educate the children of the poor. Preschool is now offered through the city for three year olds, especially those below a certain income. Sunday school is no longer the place to educate children as it was in Wesley's day. And families are much more mobile now than in the past. Gone are the days of the generational church. And there are many sports and arts programs that devour the time of our children and there parents. Sunday is no longer sabbath, sacred. Church is not competitive against the morays of society. As a parent, when my kids were young, I chose to ensure my kids did not play sports on Sunday. Not many parents do that. Sports are competitive, and an edge is needed for scholarships, for college, for a shot at a future and it all begins when in youth sports on traveling teams. And quite honestly, young people today want to be entertained and church isn't entertaining, unless it is a Water's Edge style church that is hugely fun, highly scripted, well rehearsed. Maybe Rev. Carson is right and we should develop ministries to those God is bringing us...the more aged than young. We have so many folks who came to us from the Chamberlain, folks who are active, involved, stepping into positions of leadership. Folks like the Bollenbachers, the Storches, the Griffiths. Ageless Warriors is one of our most successful ministries. As is/was (is it still going?) the Chamberlain Bible Study. If these are the people God is placing in our paths, why do we struggle so with resources and finances we don't have to try to lure young families with children? Have we ever gone to God and asked for His guidance? Churches are tidal, there is an ebb and flow. Right now we seem grey headed, slow footed, sightless, and deaf but we are doing powerful work. Five years ago we had so many infants the nursery nearly burst at the seams. I am confident we will again, eventually...maybe in a St. Mark's that looks very different than now and maybe not in my lifetime. For now God is bringing us people who are 55 and older. They are capable, competent, and willing. I say let's pray for more Bollenbachers. Let's form ministry programs that will serve them and through which they may serve. Let us increase our acts of mercy. Let us act justly. Advocate for systemic change to improve the lives of the disadvantaged. Let us be salty to show the flavors of God to those who need a taste of life. Let us be light to show the colors of God to those who live in the shadow. The grey headed are not yet dead, there is life in this church. Let us remain optimistic and encouraging. The cup is not half empty. 

I don't know the future of Kids for Christ. Was it innovative? Yes. Do the children it serves enjoy it? Yes. Are they learning about God, Christ, the Holy Spirit, Scripture, Prayer? I don't know. They play games, run around, learn about cooperation, trust, fairness, taking turns and sharing. Has the program grown? No. Has it met any of the expectations of you, the students, SPRC, or Ad Council? No. Why? Because there was no congregational ownership? Because the parents were never encouraged to get excited about the program? To volunteer in the program? To support the program? Because parents today are just flat out different than I was and people older than I are? I participated in every age and stage of my children's life stages. Preschool choir, I brought snacks and set up the snack room with other parents. Early elementary, I worked with another mother on a children's ministry program. Late elementary, I taught Sunday School. I volunteered at VBS as they went through elementary school. Ted volunteered in youth as they hit middle school. I directed youth bell choir and helped with the children's bell choir and drama. Now my kids are grown. I have no grandchildren. I did my service to ensure my children had programs and activities. Parents today don't do that. It's sad really. Parents today seem to only want the easy path, programs and ministries that are already fully established and highly functional, programs that require no work or commitment from them, programs that allow them to forget they have children for an hour or two. At least it seems that way to me. I don't think you should be putting your energies into Kids for Christ any longer. Come May, your investment is spent and ours takes over. Now you need to focus on your primary job, worship. We had a worship committee meeting tonight and not one of use knew if you want to do a Maundy Thursday Service or Good Friday Service. Those are important days in the life of the church and we have no idea what is going on. And after? Pentecost, then your last Sunday.  What are the plans for worship that day?

I'm sorry I'm not saying anything you want to hear. You came to a church very much led by its minister and that, without that "we will do this" guidance, is lost and floundering. I think the leadership expected you to be the same...have the creativity, imagination, and charisma to pull us along with you but you weren't that way. You came off sabbatical expecting to find a high functioning church with great leaders. Instead you found a bunch of whiny babies who didn't want to work to lead but to instead just follow. 

I will lead worship Sunday if you do leave town. I tried to talk Shelby into working with the children but she is uncomfortable doing that. She is at the age where she is searching, seeking, and questioning her own beliefs and feels she is inappropriate to lead others in spiritual formation. And honestly, if that isn't what Kids for Christ is doing, developing spiritual formation and disciplines in our children, then it failed before it began. 

Sent from my mini

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