discovery

what do you do?

hm...what do i do? i write. i draw.i go to the gym.  i watch sentimental movies so that when the tears fall i'm not questioned.

when games are played, do you play them?

nope (although that isn't true exactly, is it?)

why do you do these things? is it to release the emotion?

(nod)

and what happens if you can't do these things?

(shrug) the feelings get to strong.

you're 13?

(head shake)

ok, why don't you tell me so i don't have to rifle through papers?

15.

(mumbles to himself) why haven't you grown past 15? do you remember being 13? 

(nod) i remember forever ago.

6?

(nod)

4?

(nod) look, i remember all the way back to 13 months old?

(he smiles slightly) when you saw kathleen, how were you and marissa there?

how? hm... (shrug)

you don't know?

nope, we just were there.

was marissa gone when you were seeing kathleen?

kathleen was already gone then.

so you were without a therapist?

(head shake)

who were you seeing?

(finger pointing - pow, right between the eyes) you don't remember me coming in here, sitting in this chair only the old chair, inconsolable?

i remember now. when was that?

(shrug) during our first year.

that's what i thought.

i was pretty mad at you, you didn't know the significance of what happened and i thought you should've 'cuz kathleen gave all that whole bag of stuff to nancy who gave it all to you. i thought you didn't even care enough to have read it.

do you remember what was in that bag?


(head shake)

it didn't have a lot in it, a few notes from recent sessions and some things related to that. there was not much at all.

and of course, i'm crying.
as marissa would say if she were here - "you are such a cry baby!"

we have to end for today.

(nod)

we'll have to explore why you stopped growing at 15.

(whispering) i know why?

you do?

(nod) the family left the church

ah. now i understand why.