Phil,
I am hugely mad at Jeff and I probably should have talked to you personally instead of venting to Samantha and for that I am so sorry. Please please accept my apology.
Mark (our best candidate for the position of Directory of Music Ministry) withdrew his resume for the position because of ill feelings that he got from Jeff as well as the fact that he applied a month ago and it seems (to him) that there has been one road block after another. The thing that made me really mad was that Jeff called Mark to talk to him (which Jeff says he has the right to do because he has to work with the Director of Music Ministry - I don't agree and I told Jeff so myself when I found out that he'd met with Regina, Betty, and Mark before I even contacted them!) and during the course of their conversation Jeff informed Mark that about the foibles of Adam (a person Mark does not know), about how mediocre the choir is, how there are some voices in the choir that are absolutely grating and that he (Jeff) wants an excellent music program. First, I'm in the choir and I'm offended that Jeff thinks we are mediocre. Second I'm hugely mad that he sabotaged our music ministry program by berating us in front of a potential Music Director. Third Jeff caused the absolute best candidate (and probably the one person who could turn our Music Ministry around) to have second thoughts about working at St. Marks.
I did tell Mark that Jeff does want excellence in his worship program. That Adam picked the hymns, the affirmation of faith, the praise songs, the choral call to prayer, prelude, postlude and when anything went wrong in worship Adam heard about it. I also told Mark that Jeff has grown this church successfully, we have more young families than in the history of the church, that he is great individually with a person or family that is in crisis and bends over backwards to be there for them in the crisis. However, he can be difficult to work with.
Mark's wife told Mark after he met with Jeff in July that she believed he should not take the position and after I called Mark tonight and told him that we could not vote tonight because we lacked the PPR committee members he determined that this was God telling him to stay put where he is. Besides, Langley is offering to extend his contract and make it a 5 year deal. I couldn't argue with that.
It hurts that Jeff would degrade his own choir in front of a stranger like that. I am finding more and more that I am beginning to despise Jeff and I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry to dump that on you. I am in a heck of a lot of committees in this church - I hear and see and heck of a lot of things. I hear the stories of those that have been hurt by Jeff (like George Curtis). I hear the stories of those who won't tell Jeff anything personal because they believe he will blab it all over the church and they want their privacy. I've shared in the difficulties of FLC overbooking because Jeff allows organizations to book over top of other organizations. I've had my own personal experiences of hurt and pain that Jeff has caused me personally. So yes, right at this moment I despise that man. I will get over it by morning, I always do. But I wanted to share this all with you while it is still fresh in my mind, while it still stings and while I'm still aching. He is a two-faced manipulator who dictates and seduces in order to get what he wants. I want him gone from this church. Is that detrimental to the church? Maybe. But that's how much I hurt right at this moment.
I figure you'll share this him because you just will and he'll be hugely mad at me for saying any of this to you but right now I honestly don't care. Tomorrow maybe I'll feel way differently and wish that I'd not sent you this great big long e-mail, wish that I'd not made myself so vulnerable to hurt by you and by Jeff but not tonight, not right now. Right now I just had to purge it from me. Right now I just had to ask if I'm the only one who sees Jeff for who he is. Right now I just wanted you to know the kind of person he really is.
I'm sorry, Phil.
I also think that if I really am not a voting member of PPR then I shouldn't have the authority to form and lead a sub-committee to hire any of the music personnel. I will, if you want me to to but just know that I have no vote and so my voice is very limited. Maybe it would be better if you yourself hired the music personnel and just let me return to being a mediocre voice in the choir and the praise team.
Sorry. Really.
memonica
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6 years ago
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3 comments:
wow.
I'm sorry... I know how much you liked Mark -how much everyone like Mark- and I am sorry to see him withdraw, even having no connection with any of the events unfolding.
It may not be my place, but I am your son, and so you can understand who I get it from.
I feel like you have made Jeff into a scapegoat. His description of the choir's mediocrity is what hurt you, but it is NOT what drove Mark away. The complicated processes, the hurdles he had to jump through, and the number of roadblocks that seem to continuously pop up are to blame. He was a victim of circumstance.
I realise this was all venting for you, but I feel as though you allowed your frustration toward the whole scenario to skew your viewpoint as to what really happened.
Granted, you may have indeed woken up this morning and regretted everything you typed on this page, but it doesn't change the fact that you typed it.
It may hurt more coming from your own son, but frankly, he's right: the music programme at St. Mark's is sub-par. It's not due to a lack of talent, by any means, but to a lack of support in general. I'm not sure Jeff was using the term "mediocre" to drive Mark away so much as he was using it to warn him what he would getting into. Precautionary measures, laying everything down flat so Mark would not surprised by anything he would jump into if he were to re-apply and then get hired.
Like I said, I understand your frustration. I am not calling you out and saying "You're wrong!" for posting this blog. I'm sorry everything that has happened happened, and that I (possibly the last person you'd want to have read this) pitched in my two cents in the first place.
But the pastor has to do his job; the head of any organisation will NEVER be able to please everybody. His job is to bring people to Christianity and successfully help the church to grow. He may step on a few toes along the way, but that can't be avoided.
I'm sorry.
I love you, mother.
-Pierce
But doesn't the pastor bring people to Christ by living as an example of Christ? Jeff is everything that non-christians espouse about the religion - he is a hypocrite. How dare he tell me on Sunday afternoon that Karen and Lesley need to be Christ like and work past their differences when he turns around and slams Adam, the choir and Mary to an applicant. You have no idea how many people he has hurt by his thoughtlessness and his two-faced lying.
Daddy and I even sat here and "prepared" for the PPR meeting because we both knew that Jeff would get his way. People all week have been telling me to remember that Jeff is just a "guest" at our church, pastors come and pastors go but if we hire the right music director then that person will be with us for a long time. Do you know that we have had three music directors since Jeff came. That is a lot.
I've decided that I just don't care any longer. I won't impede Jeff's choice for choir director but I won't participate in choir any longer either. I'm afraid that there will be a few choir members who feel the same way though I've not told any of them yet except Diane Engler and all I told her was that there weren't enough members to take a vote and when I called Mark and told him that we have a two week delay that he withdrew his application.
Yes it is Mark's choice and his decision and where I failed the choir is that I told Mark that I think that is for the best at this point - that I don't want to throw him into a hornets next. In my mind, let Jeff's pick be thrown into the hornets nest.
I have had serious issues with Jeff for a long time - unfortunately, when a person serves on as many committees as I do the stories run rampart and number of hurts that he has inflicted are numerous.
I've known for a very long time that Jeff has wanted to eliminate the chancel choir and the organ, it have just taken him a lot longer than I thought it actually would.
Darn, my entire comment back was just wiped out. :(
I won't repost it all - you are right, Mark made the decision on his own.
I'm just going to sit back now and let Jeff hang himself because he is about to. I won't tell the choir anything except that Mark withdrew his application when he was told that there would be another two week delay. Only Mark, Mary Neal, Phi and Samantha and you now know the real reason.
Jeff is just a "guest" at our church - a transient "guest" at that. Someday he'll be moved and on that day I will rejoice! :)
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