Grieving

If I push you away, It’s not because I don’t like you. It’s because I need to breathe. Freedom is psychological. If I say I’m okay, I’m really not, but just let me talk about whatever. I’m trying to cope, It’s just really hard. “Great” means I feel fucked up inside. I just happen to be in a good mood. My earphones are for security. Sometimes, I have them in for hours at a time without listening to anything. I don’t know how to grieve, but Ticket 2 Ride somehow made me feel worse. I want to cry. I don’t want to cry. I want to scream. I don’t want to scream. I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel angry, sad, depressed, and cheerful somehow all at the same time. I don’t know what to do.