All Day

All day ... all day ...

all day long at the church setting up for True North. What fun, what excitement. What a challenge. And what sorrow...

First the challenge. Moving the "junk" left over from the Rummage Sale out to the curb for the "claw" to pick up. Moving all those silly clothing racks into the church building. We left them at the bottom of the stairs - didn't care, I wasn't going to take them upstairs and was told I didn't have to!! Moving the stage pieces - which was both a challenge and fun. Challenging because they are soooo frickin' heavy! Fun because we got to sit and dialogue as we moved piece by piece, we got to examine what would work, which piece to place where, how to run the wires and the cords, the placement of the amps, the musicians, the mics. What a thrill. I thought "hmm...is this what it's like to set up staging for big name bands? for a Broadway show? for the Virginia Symphony?" If I wasn't such a woosie wimp I think that it'd be totally awesome to be a roadie!!

The fun flowed from the stage set-up to the room layout and John joined us (oh, me and Jack which I didn't mention before now). He is such a character, John is I mean. We had so much fun laughing and clowning around as we moved tables and speakers and tried to determine where John will be standing when he presents his message.

And finally ... the sorrow. Crystal is stressed - I know she is though she won't share it with me. I know that she's worried beyond belief, though she won't share that with me either. She's becoming more and more irritable and snappy and unfortunately Jack bears the brunt of all that stress and anxiety. I got him in trouble this morning (like I did yesterday and Monday - well pretty much every day this week!). I didn't mean too. I just simply called Crystal this morning (we talk every morning) and I guess through some comments I made she ended up unloading on Jack. She went downstairs asking him for some items but didn't give him the back ground story and so he didn't leap to where she was and was pretty clueless. I guess she got quite mad at him. I felt so bad. He shook it off but boy did he ever come squealing into the parking lot!

I wish that there was something that I could do for Crystal, that there was some way I could ease her fears and calm her stress and anxiety. I know that there isn't. The money has run out, there is nothing that anybody can do right now. It seems - feels - pretty useless to pray about the situation, their life circumstances. Heck I've been doing that and while they still have the house, this month is it. I don't know where to turn or what to do any longer. She's becoming desperate I think - or maybe I fear. Talk of driving her car into the water is rather frightening. I'm sure that she's depressed but I don't know how to pull her out of her funk ... I can't pull her out of her funk because the funk has legitimate causes. No job, no income, no money, no house. How do I help in that situation? I don't. I can't. I accept that sometimes God really does have too much on his plate and can't get to everybody quick enough to save them all. I accept that Crystal is not salvageable by God right now. I accept that they will lose the house and have to move into an apartment somewhere. Actually, though, is that so bad? No yard work, smaller square footage so easier to keep clean, no maintenance issues (because apartment units have maintainers). Hmm...if I didn't have a kid at home any longer I would probably consider moving into an apartment or town home. Maybe it's not as dark as I see it. Maybe there is a silver-lining out there.

Maybe I just need to shut-up now.