Face Of A Monster

       My father has the face 

       of a monster. 

<sup>So he grins and smiles 
his smooth 
and dull teeth 
as if to say, Do you see? 
No fangs. 

An upward tug of his lips, 
a flash of good humor, 
and the monster melts away. 
It was a shadow. Don't you see?
This man is charming.

Forget I am a monster 
his smile says. 
It transforms his face, 
it does not change the man.

I have my father's face, 
I do not have his heart. 
Mine bleeds, and so suddenly 
my smile fades and is gone.
All they see is my face,
and what my father gave to me.

There goes a monster. 
Don't go near her, 
there goes a beast. 

I smile and I reap kindness 
from the hands of strangers. 
My smile falls away, 
and my sister does not know me.

You so close to my heart, 
do you not feel it bleed?

But I have the face of a monster, 
and my father gave it to me.</sup>

Renew A Fresh Spirit, Lord

Annual Conference 2014

Laity Session

Cross Purposes kicks off the session!

Three songs the last being from Mercy Me called Shake

Lay Leader Warren Harper welcomes us to this celebratory time

Song, Draw Me Close To You

Scripture, Ephesians 4:1-16 NIV

The scripture in Spanish (very poor Spanish by a NON Spanish speaking person! This is both very sad and very embarrassing...everyone sits uncomfortably wanting to just pull the correct pronunciations from her throat as she stumbles, staggers, and falls over each word spoken. Some believe this is very insulting. Why didn't the Lay Leader ask a lay member who speaks Spanish to read the scripture? Why didn't she consult a Spanish speaking person) NIV

The scripture read yet again by a young person (seems like stereotyping) The Message 

Liturgical Dance performed by Gabby Burge, age 12, from Wellspring 

Lay Leader Warren Harper speaks of Pastor Shinaesy's Book on worship

GBD path one section - creative, vital worship 

     Sacrament - weekly communion; center us

     liturgical - the word of the people 

     indigenous - faithful to the relevant matter called church; worship is about offering our best to our      place and to our people

     connected - important that we are one in Christ, one in ministry, one in mission

     embodied - gifts are entrusted to each of us; we use our bodies to express our love for our Lord and savior Jesus Christ

To give our best to God

Song, Breathe

Prayer

Presentation by three youth about the Fusion Retreat at Eagle Eire which is a Tri-District retreat (Danville, Farmville, Lynchburg) with 350 youth

Video

    Description of small group discussions

    Missions in four stations: education, Teddy Bear Brigade (to war torn nations), Stop Hunger Now (over 21,000 meals packaged) and prayer station (clean water facts, poverty and injustices in the world)

   VWorship message was Illuminate - taking the light of God out to show and share with others.  

Brian Bateer, Danville District youth coordinator

National Gathering of youth in Orlando at the World Marriott Center,  June 24-28 2015

Video about Youth 2015, Y15

Reverend Lynn Litchfield, Women's Prison Chaplain Services

Drama about an incarcerated woman, Hope, praying to God (awesomeness, as usual...love this gal!). 

1,250 women incarcerated in Virginia's prison in Fluvanna

Today at Fluvanna, Hope will find Chaplain Perry inside the prison where chaplains have been serving for more than 100 years; not state employees, but our employees - missionaries that are so often "out of sight, out of mind"

Toiletry kits at Christmas time are always welcome

Our chaplains at our state prisons are currently part time and the juvenile system has no chaplain at all; we are seeking full time chaplains at each major prison and part time at the smaller jail systems

With God's help, 27,000 men and women can return to society a better person, better parents, better workers; God needs our help, without us where will Hope be?

For more information? Fill out the orange card (I did)

Virginia Conference Wellness Ministries, Charles Reynolds

Begun when Bishop Kammerer was here

Bishop Cho says no spiritual growth, no vital congregations; true with physical health

Human beings are created by God as body, mind, and spirit which are totally interwoven

Pastors, who are charged with the care of the congregation, often neglect their personal care and the care of their families; we, as laity, need to be the ones to check the pulse of the pastor

Personal care is extremely personal; do not assume responsibility for your Pastors health decisions

    Pray fervently for your pastor and family

    Make a mental note of how much time the pastor is spending in ministry

    Is the pastor available 24/7 to the congregation? Suggest a day of sabbath; suggest a vacation - four weeks per year including Sundays

    Encourage SPRC to arrange pastor supply to fill the pulpit

    Encourage the pastor to participate in a pastor support group and/or covenant groups

    Encourage continuing education

    Jesus provided the model for personal care; ensure your Pastor follows that model

Thank you for the time and God bless you

Recognition of Lay Servant Academy, David and Johnnie - directors

Video of the Lay Servant Academy which is held in February at VUMAC

The past five years have been very rewarding; Virginia will be the host of the 2015 Lay Servants Academy of the SE Jursdiction in Williamsburg

Prayer

Afternoon Session

Called to order by Bishop Cho, the 232nd Annual Conference

Song, And Are We Yet Alive (accapela)

Opening Prayer, Raymond Wrenn's 74th Assembly, and Noell Schoeman's 1st.

Appreciation expressed to planning committee and the York River District

Greetings by Joe Carson, York River District Superintendent

Greetings by Booker Brown, York River District Lay Leader

Introductions of guests and recognition of previous bishops

Motion that bar of conference be set by Joe Carson. Motion carries

Motion that agenda be approved by Joe Carson. Approved

Motion of Susan Reeves be elected as secretary by Joe Carson. Approved

Motion of assistant secretaries and editor of the journal by Joe Carson. Approved

Motion to appoint Committees with Tim Tate as clergy teller from Roanoke by Joe Carson. Approved

Announcements by Susan Reeves including time for addendums to agenda as well as removal of consent agenda items

Recognize the Rules Committee Chair, Stephen Bray

And Here We Go Again, Bishop Cho's Episcopal Address

My prayer for conference is Lord, You Do It. Lord, you please do it. 

We are making progresses

    All Things New has moved from maintenance to fruitfulness in making vital congregations

    Clergy Leadership Program has had 18 clergy complete

    39 clergy joined in the spiritual renewal to Korea

    Strengthening the foundation to save our denomination through All Things New

No spiritual vitality, No vital congregation

Prayer convocation team developed the spiritual disciplines covenant; more that 200 churches, 40%, have signed to be a prayer covenant congregation

May 25th was set as a conference wide day of prayer

My focus has been:

    New faith communities, 28 since I became  Bishop.

    120 pastors received training

    Restructuring of the common table

    Long term financial strategy

We have a long way to go:

    Vital congregation statistics and data

    Discipleship circle

    Imagine No Malaria

        Spiritual discipline, act of mercy

        Vital balance between acts of mercy and and acts of piety

        Hope to touch more than 100,000 lives

        Hope every church participate

        Ask the youth and young adult to lead this initiative

    Starting 3 new faith communities

2016 General Conference will be faced with many issues involving human sexuality; conference wide conversation of this issue and pray for the future of the UMC

We desperately need revival

God, renew me first

Song, Spirit of the Living God

Recognize Shan Sixby, COSROW, pg. 81

    Galatians 6:10

    37% reports by female and 86% were white

    Reference to MLK's I Have A Dream and an alter his speech slightly

Report of the Cabinet, pg. 40

Historical Society Meeting

Announcements by Bishop

Song, Alleluia

Adjourned (early!)

tonight i am old again

tomorrow morning i will be
two again and scared of the shadows.
i will be two again and i will not
look out the window unless you are
holding my hand,
i will be two again and my father will
be the biggest man on earth again

but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen, i am 
holding the world in my chest and it is
beating like a heart (well then it must be my heart)
china digs a pattern in my backbone and i
am red red red red red
i am a communist daughter and 
the trains to shanghai will leave something
to be desired
i am eighteen, i am 
all the life in the world
stacked around a schoolruined spine
and the world moves softly and she

touches me gently with her face

and then slides away
into the night.


tomorrow morning i will be
five again and i will be happy,
i will be five again and i will not 
look at my body the way my mother looks at her body,
i will be five again
and people will just be pretty, people will just be 
"beautiful" and "more beautiful,"
tomorrow morning
people will just be 
people

but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and money is more important than love 
so when they pull up in their cars i'll get in
and forget that my body is a heart, too,
tonight i am eighteen and
i'll forget that i am a person, too

tomorrow morning i'll be sixteen again
and scared of taxes
i'll be sixteen again and scared of time 
and the wind will scare me and the trees will scare me 
and my heart beat-beating in my chest 
will scare me,
i'll be sixteen again and 
the adult world will scare me

but tonight i am eighteen, i am
eighteen and mental illness has a colour scheme 
and i am all the life in the world 
crammed in some experimental capsule
("first time's free") 
i am eighteen and the world
is soft and dark and 
i lick the corners and they smile up at me

tonight i am eighteen, and i am
eighty-five, and i am

worn and unafraid.

Whisper

• by PrussianPersephone, Jan 25, 2013, 5:28:41 PM
• age 17

I want to create an aromatic sea of jasmines
and stardust mountains of silver and —

No.

Inkblot skeletons with paper mache
hearts, whose bones shall burn with one glance at the
sun; gravestones of blood diamonds and tears of thistles...

Harp strings ringing in grotesque harmony, screaming
for slender fingers to pluck and caress with devotion.

I want to write

gods

and

chaos.

-

• by PrussianPersephone, Feb 22, 2013, 9:02:34 AM
• age 17

My mind
just can't 
seem to

s h u t   u p.

Too many "fuck you's" 
that morph into 
"I'm sorry's" 
drip off this 
dagger-tongue 
like acid.

Monster.
Grotesque.
Liar.
Erratic.

Try and make it better. Fail. Try again. Break down.

So many faults
that seem to just
turn me into someone
I'm not.

Look into the mirror. See nothing but a clone. Fabrication. No longer me.

I stare and want
to break that glass
so that I can also
b r e a k.

Try and say something. Turns into nothing but rage. Take it out on you.

This shattered heart
only wants to make it
better
and become one again.

"I want to hate you."
"But I can't."
"So I hate me instead."
"But why won't this stop?"
"Why can't you make it stop?"

Stop.

Breathe.

Think.

"...it's not my fault."

Say what you want to say. Honest brutality. 

"H E L P   M E"

No.

It's time for me to

s h u t   u p.

—whisper—



_{...I'm sorry.}

Mirror, Mirror

• by PrussianPersephone, Aug 18, 2013, 1:05:39 PM
• age 17

I can't stand the sight of my reflection.

Every time I see her, I cringe. Look at her - the dark shadows beneath her eyes, the slumped shoulders, the half-empty gaze that stares back at me. She's disgusting. She's a monster.

She's me.

But is she real? Am I real?

I don't know.

Maybe she's the real one and the reason she looks the way she does is because she always sees me and is terrified that something horrible will happen. Maybe I'm the real one and I'm terrified that she's going to let that something occur.

Or maybe we're just the same person and I'm letting my thoughts become too unraveled. There's no such thing as another side to a mirror. It's just a piece of glass that reflects that which is in front of its surface. But then again, what do I know? Not much, if I'm being completely honest. 

There are times where I'll pass my reflection and stop, stare at her, and the urge to do nothing more but take her hand and say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've said to her and everything I've threatened to do. She doesn't deserve those words. I do. Not her. 

I'd like to think my reflection wants to protect me. She doesn't want me to know what's happening on her side of the mirror. Whether it be better or worse than mine, she doesn't want to upset me. Because she is still me and deep down, she loves me for who I am - even if I myself can't seem to share the same sentiments lately.

The few times I do manage to catch a glimpse of something beautiful in the mirror, I have to pause for a moment. 

This is me. I shouldn't be loathing her - me - like this.

Maybe she feels the same and the reason I'm so damn afraid of my reflection is because she knows what needs to be done and I'm too stubborn to listen.

So I suppose I'll keep trying, if only for the sake of my reflection.

Mirror, mirror on the wall...who's the realest of us all?

It's not hatred, it's incredulity.

• by PrussianPersephone, Feb 18, 2014, 9:41:10 AM
• age 17

when i was ten years old my
teacher asked the class,
"if you were god, what would
you change?" 

and i remember
biting my lip so hard
that it bled. carefully,
i wrote about
how i would teach 
kids from an early age on how to
love yourself and no one 
else and that there is no such thing as
an almighty power that will pity
you and answer your desperate prayers
at three a.m. because you're the only one
who has that kind of control.

when i handed it in she just looked
at me like i was the 
monsters under
her child's bed. the next day i
was sitting in her office wondering
why it was so wrong to
talk about what's in your heart at a catholic
school when that's what the priest tells
you to do at every sunday mass and
the teacher asked me
another question, "do you 
hate god?" and i
wanted to scream "yes, yes!" because
how can a god let the world
slip through their fingers like this one has?

but instead i answered,
"no. i just don't think there is one."
and sat in the chair, 
staring at the cross on the wall and
wondering what would happen if we all
just stopped breathing.