There's got to be a morning after ...

The Secret - Planet Earth

The Secret to You

when dreams become reality

i want to tell you about a dream i had.
Alright.

in the dream i'm feeling disgruntled, disgusted with myself. i want to change my hair. there is this hairdresser that comes highly recommended, a specialist, but i can't get an appointment there. i'm driving in the car with myPierce, myShelby, and Crystal. we're approaching a busy intersection, though not heavy since it is 9:00 at night. the turns red and i stop the car. i'm tired, exhausted. tired of hurting. i unbutton my top, take off my tee and  bra and get out of the car. i walk across the intersection, cars blaring their horns at me. i hear my kids and Crystal behind me shouting apologies to the drivers. i walk along the sidewalk and then realize that i'm approaching the hair salon. there are heavy curtains on the windows. i look up at the sign only now, this far from the dream, i can't remember the name on the door but it starts with an 'M'. i go inside. there is cloth hanging from the ceiling so it's like a maze entering the shop. the reception startles as i enter and stops me, staring at my exposed chest. i want to see ... what ever his name is that i can't remember now this far from the dream. the receptionist implies that he is very busy and can't see me but he'll go and talk to him. my kids and Crystal enter behind me just as the hairdresser enters. he stares at my breasts and i cannot determine if i see revulsion or lust behind his eyes. 'don't mind our mom', the kids say, 'she's lost her mind!'. the hairdresser stairs into my eyes and i know that in that moment he knows every intimate detail about me. 'come with me' he says and i follow him deeper into the maze and to a chair. he indicates that i should sit and so i do. i look at  him in the mirror. he is staring at my breasts, my chest, he looks into my face.'what do you eat?', he asks. i look away from his stare, embarrassed.  'i know, i'm overweight' i begin and then stumble forward into an excuse that i know he won't by. 'i used to work out when i was in my thirties but in my forties i no longer do and now that i'm nearly fifty these ole' bones just can't take it.' i smile wanly but he doesn't return my smile. he begins to move his fingers through my hair, fluffing and ruffling and mussing with it. 'you change frequently, don't you?' 'i do though i have to color it every two weeks - the grey is just so resistant.' i see the corners of his mouth turn up slightly. 'i have a friend' he begins, who has been grey since she was 23. i just colored her hair for her wedding.' 'has it lasted for longer than two weeks?', i ask whimsically. he smiles for the first time. 'it was just this past Saturday.' 'oh.' he watches me in the mirror, placing the heel of his hand into a place near my shoulder - like a pressure point. i immediately feel pain in an old ache that frequently bothers me on my back. he continues pressing. a rush of feelings and emotions seem to migrate to that pained spot on my back, as if drawn by an electrical current. there is a mixture of pain and pleasure that ebbs and flows and rises to a climax. i imagine this would be orgasmic if i had ever had an orgasm to compare. 'every hurt done to the body,' he says calmly as he continues pressing, 'continues to pain the body until it has been dealt with.' i see his the fingers of his left hand point to his head. i stare into his eyes and his stare bores into me, through me. how profound, i think as i sit exposed from the waist up in the hairdresser's chair. still looking deep into my eyes his hands move to my shoulders. 'i think you're ready to change, we're ready to begin.' he says in that calm deep tone of his. a tear begins to slide down my cheek and then the alarm goes off.

What do you think the dream means?
    i shrug.

This is what i heard ... 
     he proceeds to repeat the dream. he has it down almost word for word.
I believe the hairdresser is me and the salon is here in this office. It piggybacks what we talked about last time.
no it doesn't, last time i told you about my lack of sexual desire.
No. That was the last time you were here but we've met since then.
     darn it all, i hate when he does that!
This dream is affirmation to me of what we talked about last Thursday.
so you're saying that my dream was a message to you?
Yes. 
     i did't want to admit this to dr. t but i had reached the same conclusion about the dream that he had. that
     i'm ready for change, that i'm ready to work, that i'm really ready to begin therapy. 
We're going to be working on Mother/Daughter relationships and I don't mean between you and your daughter. I believe that your children had a very different childhood than you had. You have tried to the best of your ability to make sure your kids are safe.
i haven't left my kids with my parents.
That's what I mean. When fathers, older brothers, grandfathers, hurt or have sex with girls good mothers will protect their daughters as all good mothers should.
usually they don't, women are too weak and cowardly.
I believe that if someone were hurting your kids you'd risk getting hurt yourself to protect them. Sometimes Mothers don't protect though, you're right. Some women are weak physically and emotionally. Sometimes, though, Mothers harm their daughters.
     i remain silent, thinking. i wonder what his definition of harm is.
i want to ask you a question. is it wrong for a mother to put her tongue into the mouth of her 9 year old daughter?
     he doesn't wince, doesn't flinch, but is there a pained look?
Why do you ask? 
just asking.
Yes, it's wrong.
have you heard so much horrible stuff over the years that nothing shocks you any more?
I have heard a lot of horrible things, your question isn't new to me.
     he looks at the clock on the wall behind me.
Next week we'll begin with that question.
ok.

Reblog

More Surrealism

Rene Magritte

I love this piece of work - it reminds me of the mountains in the New Mexico desert near Alamogordo where the Trinity Test site is, the site of the first A-Bomb test. I just so love surrealism.

Interesting Article

http://campus.usal.es/~revistamedicinacine/Volumen_2_1/n4/ing_4_pdf/tid_ing.pdf

This is a really thorough article on Dissociation in the cinema.