Sometimes. 1.0.

Sometimes I love deep conversations about theology and things of that nature… Then there are nights where I feel like I know nothing and everything that comes out of my mouth is ridiculous. It's the perfectionist in me wanting to know the right answer. But I just want to know all about God; about His character, about His nature, about everything that has to do with Him. And I just want to be able to verbalize it.

The Tare Among the Wheat

This ... this is who we are ...tare among the wheat.


you don't know the kind of man i am just how deep the valleys run i've got shadows that are oh so cold soil that's never seen the sun when you said i'd never do you wrong you don't know how wrong you were cause i've sown seeds among the stones and thorns where nothing grows out of the earth never sing of what you've done never sing of who you are cause they're just words to bring you down there are tares among the wheat credits from Three Birds EP, released 31 July 2010

Updated True North ...

... go check it out: http://www.truenorthworship.org

Useless

I’m feeling useless right now.

I really don’t want that feeling of detachment to come back. It just felt so empty. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone about it because they’d think I was just asking for attention because I seem like a happy person. I don’t want people to think that. I’m not asking for sympathy or an “aww, I’m sorry. You’ll feel better later” I just want to talk to someone and find someone who understands. I want to help people, but it seems as if I’m not really helping or I’m not able to give them advice. I want to be held and reasured and have someone tell me it will be okay and actually be able to believe them.

A Cup of Cold Water

I was sitting here, at my couch, thinking about the message that John offered this evening, about serving the least and the lost and the forgotten when my e-mail box chimed in "four new messages" (yes, she speaks to me!). Well, pulled from my deep thoughts I went to my mailbox to see what was there. One of the messages was the "Care-mail" that I receive as a Stephen Leader. A devotional message from Stephen Ministry. This is what I received in my mailbox:

In reading the devotional book Seize the Day with Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I came across this thought, based on Matthew 10:42. "He who offers a cup of cold water to the weakest and poorest who bears no honourable name has ministered to Christ himself, and Jesus Christ will be his reward."

There was a link to read more of the devotion, which I of course clicked on.

To the Least Psalm 41:1 (you'll have to look that one up yourself)

"He who offers a cup of cold water to the weakest and poorest who bears no honourable name has ministered to Christ himself, and Jesus Christ will be his reward." -- The Cost of Discipleship

Those who minister to others in the name of Christ will be blessed. But that blessing does not necessarily mean anything other than a fuller possession of the life of Christ. We seldom get back in kind, but that should never be a problem for us. It only becomes a problem if we have not given only for the sake of Christ. In ministering to the poor and needy we will be blessed, for they are able to give "riches" unknown to those who have everything.

Meditation

Giving for the sake of Christ means that we expect nothing from those to whom we give, but everything from Him whose grace and blessing we seek.

Charles Ringma, Seize the Day with Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Colorado Springs: Piñon Press, 2000), June 24.

Wow!

By now I hope that all of you know that I do NOT believe in consequences.

Any ways, I was having a difficult time this afternoon and in part with this scripture passage. If you have read two blog posts ago, then you know that I believe myself to be a goat; John and I discussed this with Jack this afternoon - my "goatiness" I mean. Imagine the impact of receiving this e-mail message at this time from Stephen Ministry.

While I don't believe that I ever minister "in the name of Christ", I do believe that I do what I can for whom I can when I can because I think it is pleasing to God for me to do so. I think that, in receiving this e-mail on this day, God is taking his hammer and beating me over the head! Again. What do you think?

So, I offer to you this devotional thought; please take this meditation and dwell upon it and what it may be speaking to your heart.

Just the way we are

Are violets jealous of gardenias?
 Do maple trees compete with eucalyptus trees, or redwoods with oak trees?
 What do they know of jealousy or competition?
 We are all magnificent expressions of God's exquisite garden.
 We are extraordinary just the way we are.

"I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works, And my soul knows it very well." –Psalm 139:14 NASB

© 2009 by Fanny Levin

I Am A Goat!!

As a kid I never really knew the Bible; oh I knew the words of God but not as read from the Bible ... needless to say, things became a bit mixed up and befuddled in my mind when it came to scripture. Basically, everything I "knew" about the "gospel" came from either Jesus Christ Superstar or Godspell (dating myself, I know).

Now Jesus Christ Superstar was the darker of the two and had way more singing, far less speaking so I "learned" more from Godspell. I especially loved watching the live performances by Las Cruces High School (mostly because Jesus was played by T. J. who was the most adorable boy I'd seen and I, admittedly, had a huge "crush" on him ... I was in high school after all!). So, why the walk down memory lane to the way back? Well, this weeks sermon message is from Matthew 25: 31-46, the Parable of the Sheep and the Goats. Immediately I was transported back to the movie Godspell.

Jesus, played by Victor Garber, separates his gaggle of companions into two groups - the sheep on the right and the goats on the left. I love the costumes and since I'm a bells and whistles kind of gal I love the bright colors and silly voicings used throughout the movie. With the sheep on the right and the goats on the left, Jesus recites the parable, sending each sheep happily up the steps for all of their good deeds. While the poor goats on the right are left wondering when they failed to feed, clothe, or visit Jesus. As much as I hate to admit it, from the first viewing of Godspell I have always believed myself to be a goat ... left kneeling on the bench asking of God "but when did I NOT do for you God?"

"I give my spare change to the homeless on the street corners whenever I have loose bills in my purse." "I have driven Miss Virginia all over the city on many an errand; I have even visited her in the nursing home when she wasn't at her best and didn't remember who I was." "I've gone to a juvenile detention center to do crafts with the girls there, once." "I've put coats in the buckets at the credit union in the winter for needy kids." "I've feed you, visited you, clothed you!"

But, I tell myself over and over again that isn't good enough - I am nothing more than a goat. Would Jesus think that? I don't know, honestly. I do so little so much of the time ... I feel inadequate and useless, rarely Christian much less Christ-like. I am a goat!

Then I stumbled upon this video:

Could I really be doing something right? Have I actually fed Jesus, clothed Jesus, visited Jesus?